Josh's Journey

By Dragonwriter

Chapter Seven-More Pieces

Crystal and I returned to our apartment after leaving Kel at home Sunday night. It was strange to be back there. Crystal moped about and I admit I wasn’t much more exciting to have around. Mitch wasn't home. He'd told me that he would be working the

closing shift all that week, so he'd be home sometime around midnight.

Kel called me about 10 minutes after we got there and we talked for an hour. He finally told me he was going to hang up because I needed to get to bed so I had better say good night fast! I laughed and told him good night.

For the first time since growing to 6'2", a queen-sized bed felt huge and empty. I slept curled in a corner with Crystal's head on my hip. We were both missing our guys. I awoke once in the night, confused by the darkness and panicky because I couldn't find Kel. When I remembered I was in my bed alone except for Crystal I rolled over and slowly went back to sleep.

Monday was an impossibly LONG day. Work seemed to stretch on forever and the minute hand on my watch froze around 9 am and refused to move! By lunch, I was crawling out of my skin. I had never missed anyone so much in my life. I felt cut loose, adrift, as if I had nothing holding me to the old familiar things anymore. Not even Sam's company seemed to penetrate the fog I felt all around me.

I was tempted to go to Kel's after work, but I knew he needed to get that book finished and back to his editor. I didn't want to disrupt his work and if I showed up there, I suspected not much work would get done! In addition, I worried I would look so pathetic that I couldn't even go a full day without his company. My apartment was in desperate need of a cleaning and there was laundry to be done. That kept me busy the rest of the evening.

Mitch was already gone when I got home, so it was just Crystal and me. I listened to the jazz station on the radio, feeling close to Kel, and cleaned until I was ready to drop from exhaustion, then crawled into bed.

Tuesday was a bit better. I had lunch with Xan. He quizzed me intently on Kel. We talked about suicide and my feelings for Kel. He just shook his head. He was one of those people who couldn't imagine being so hurt that you'd want to end it all. But at the same time, he was deeply sympathetic.

"Must be a VERY, VERY, bad hurt," he wrote on his notepad and I nodded.

I had to admit I wasn't sure what could ever drive me to the point of suicide either, unless it was the loss of Kel - that or the loss of my brother Jem. I loved those two people most in the world.

"Car show, this weekend. You come? Bring Kel," he wrote around a splash of ketchup. He wiped the ketchup off with his finger. Bringing his finger to his mouth, he licked it off with just the tip of his tongue. A wickedly erotic gesture and I was pleasantly semi-hard in appreciation.

Xan loved teasing me. He had told me that Kaleb was deeply, almost pathologically terrified of AIDS. He had insisted that Xan have an HIV test before he'd have sex with him… even with a condom. When I had asked why, Xan had explained that Kaleb had had a friend in college, who was gay, who had died of AIDS. It had deeply scarred the eighteen-year-old Kaleb. Consequently, Xan was very off limits, but it didn't stop him from teasing me!

"Okay, sure. I'll ask him," I said watching his tongue. ""Will Kaleb be there?"

"No." he said with a grin and a shake of the head. "Be in Tacoma doing some computer stuff," he wrote.

When I opened the door of my apartment that evening, my phone was ringing. I sprinted through the kitchen into the living room and grabbed it.

"Hello!" I said breathless.

"Were you running, Josh?" Kel's voice flowed over me like a warm bath.

"I just got home," I dropped onto the couch. Crystal laid her head in my lap and I scratched her absently.

"Oh. I thought you'd be home by now. Sorry."

I winced, "Kel, don't worry about it. I'm here now. What's up?"

"I talked to Dr. Reicher this morning. She has a therapist lined up and waiting for a call from you. And don‘t worry about paying for it, I‘ll take care of that part! "

"Oh." I said swallowing.

"Josh? You all right?" Kel's voice sounded concerned.

"Yes, just… well you know," I laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I think I do understand. You don't HAVE to go to him, you know."

"No Kel, I want to go. I need the help… so I can be better... so I don't hurt you again," my voice tapered off. “And cost wasn’t something I was worried about … not yet anyway. Maybe my insurance through Knightman will pick up some of it.”

"Thank you, Josh," Kel said softly. "And I think you are great the way you are."

There was an embarrassed silence for a minute. I scratched Crystal's head.

"Anyway… Josh? You still there?"

"Yes, of course."

"Oh," relief flooded through the phone. "Anyway, Dr. Reicher says this therapist is both a gay man and the victim of childhood abuse. He will understand what you're saying and the perspective you are coming from. His name is Dr. Alejhandro Guevarra. She says he is the best in the biz." I could hear the grin in Kel's voice.

"All right," I smiled at the phone. "A gay therapist would be a good thing… I think I'll feel better talking to him."

"That's what Dr. Reicher said. Me? I've talked to EVERYONE by now." He laughed a bright trill that made my cock throb. "Though I haven't met Dr. Guevarra."

Kel gave me the doctor's number and spelled the name for me. I wrote it on the notepad I had left on the couch last night.

"When should I call him? Do you think they'd still be there now?" I asked.

"I don't know. You could try. Most likely he has an answering service you can leave a message with."

"Okay, I'll do that. In a minute, I want to talk to you first."

"Oh Josh! I have missed you so much! Two days… I am so pathetic." He laughed. "So how was lunch?"

We talked for a while longer. I told him about lunch and about work. He told me Tova was missing Crystal. I laughed and said she was missing him as well. We talked, just the silly little things that lovers say to each other. Quiet, teasing things that mean something only to them.

I rubbed my hard cock through my jeans. It was throbbing. My voice got husky from emotion. Kel heard it and responded in kind. I slid down til I was lying on the couch and unbuttoned my jeans. My cock was hard and dripping already when I pulled it out and started stroking it. The memory of Kel's mouth on it and Kel's voice in my ear was all it took. Soon I was bucking and shooting hot cream all over my chest. Kel cried out over the phone and I knew he too had shot a load.

By the time, we got off the phone it was after seven. I was sure that Dr. Guevarra wasn't going to be in his office, so I stripped out of my clothes and headed for the bathroom. Studying my face in the mirror, I couldn't understand how Kel could call me beautiful… I was just me. My summer tan was fading but I was still a warm coppery shade of brown with black eyebrows curved over deep green eyes, high cheekbones, and a prominent nose with just a hint of a bulge on the bridge. I ran my tongue lightly over my lips, wishing Kel was here to kiss them.

I ran the water in the shower to try to warm it up, and then climbed in closing my eyes and feeling the water slide down over my shoulders, across my stomach and down my legs. I imagined it was Kel's hands on me. My cock stood straight up in anticipation. I shivered and stroked my cock. I could hear Kel's voice and feel his hands on me. Somehow, I smelled coffee, salsa, and the musky smell of a male.

"Oh, Kel," I murmured.

My orgasm, when it came, was explosive, rocking me back against the shower wall and nearly knocking me to my knees. I steadied myself with a hand against the shower wall. Water beat down on my back and shoulders. I shook my head. Finishing my shower quickly, I dried off and wrapping the towel around my waist went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I missed Kel more than I had wanted to admit. I missed Tova and Crystal underfoot. I missed the quiet times together just cuddling and the laughter. I was most definitely in love.

I carried Dr. Guevarra's number to work with me the next day and on my two o'clock break, I called him from a nearby convenience store pay phone. The phone rang a couple times and was answered by a deep male voice.

"Alejhandro here," he said.

"Oh! I… ummm… I guess I need to talk to someone about making an appointment," I stumbled over my words. Was this the doctor answering his own phone?

"You guess? You don't know?" he said chuckling.

"Well to be honest, I expected a receptionist to answer. You ARE Dr. Guevarra, aren't you?"

"Yep, that's what my driver's license says. My receptionist had to leave early, her son took a dive on the playground and there's talk of stitches."

"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that," I didn't know what else to say.

"It happens with kids," the doctor paused. "Now I am sure you didn't get a hold of my number just to talk about my receptionist's son." He chuckled again. "Let's start with your name."

"Josh Sanclere. I was told that you would talk to me about my boyfriend."

"Depends on how well I know the guy. Oh, wait! Sanclere, you said? Hang on a sec." There was the sound of papers being moved. He came back on a moment later. "Lee Reicher called me and asked if I'd be willing to take on the boyfriend of one of her patients. Yes, here's the note. I was going to have Trina call you today, but then the thing with her son came up. I'm glad YOU called me."

"Yes, that's me. Thank you." I shifted nervously from foot to foot trying to get comfortable. My right one was hurting a bit.

"Lee says you have just started dating one of her patients who was abused as a child and you need some help dealing with it? Am I correct here?" His voice was softer now. Not the brusque voice that answered the phone or the joking tone that had bantered with me while I tried to explain why I was calling. The firm voice had me picturing a big bear like man.

"Yes, he is scarred… literally. It makes me hurt so much. And there are other things as well."

"Hmm, yes scars. Well, hang on let me go check Trina's book. I am notorious for hanging up on people when trying to transfer the phone, so do call back."

"All right." The phone clicked but didn't go dead. In a moment, I heard music and a few moments after that another click.

"Still there?"

"Yes, doctor."

"Great! Maybe I'll get the hang of programming my VCR as well," he laughed and I laughed as well. "All right, looks like I could get you in Friday afternoon. I am guessing you work."

"Yes, I do construction."

"Ouch, I did a bit of that in my undergrad days. I remember those sore muscles. Okay how does four-thirty sound? Or do you need it later?"

"I'm sure I could get off in time to be there by five if that's okay," I replied. Fridays Mike usually sent us home early anyway.

"All right five it is. I'll expect to see you then. Oh and don't worry about work clothes, I'm only interested in your mind."

I snickered, "All right, I'll be there."

Dr. Guevarra gave me his address and I hung up feeling oddly excited and almost equally terrified. This was it: I was committed to my relationship with Kel now, for better or worse? I shivered and started to walk back to the construction site. What would I say to Dr. Guevarra? What did he want me to say?

Kel's silver Cougar was in my driveway when I got home that evening. I'm not certain that the 'Stang had even come to a complete stop before I was out of it and headed around the house. He wasn't in his car or on the porch, so he must have got there before Mitch left. I burst through the door and down the short hallway into the kitchen. Kel was sitting at the table drinking a glass of milk and reading a book propped up on a flashlight. He looked up with a smile when I came in. However, before I could get more than two steps into the kitchen, I was mobbed by Crystal and Tova. I hugged them and scratched their backs and ears as I worked my way the couple more feet to where Kel sat.

Kel stood up and wrapped his arms around my neck. I pulled him to me so hard I heard him give an "oof" sound as the air was knocked out of him. I murmured a soft sorry into his hair between showering him with kisses.

"If I had known you'd so enthusiastic to see me, I'd have sent you home more often," he said with a grin when I finally stopped kissing him.

I snorted and he grinned again. He reached up and pulled my head down into the most heart-pounding kiss I had ever felt. I was hard as a rock and my body was on fire.

"God, I have been so lost without you underfoot, Josh," he grinned, his fingers stroking my cheek.

"Me too. Lost, I mean," I laughed. "Have you been here long?"

"No, about an hour, I think. Mitch took pity on the interior of my car, having to cope with a lovesick wolf so near and yet so far from the object of his affection." His grin was pure mischief. "I thought about being naked in your bed when you got here, but I didn't want you to think me a slut."

I laughed at the angelic look on his face. His eyes were glittering with mischief.

"Race you to the bed," I murmured.

Kel laughed and ducked under my arm. I whirled around to grab him but he slithered out of my grasp. I winced as a shock of pain shot up my ankle. Kel made it into the bedroom and on the bed only seconds before me. And right on my heels was Crystal and Tova. It took several minutes to get them calmed down and out of the bed.

When I finally got the canines out of the bed and settled down I was more than ready to get "down to business" with Kel. I slid out of my dirty work clothes and stretched. Kel gave a soft moan of approval. I ran my hand down my smooth chest to my pubic hair. Kel moaned again louder. He was kneeling in the middle of my bed, his hands resting on his knees, his eyes firmly on me. I fisted my cock slowly shivering in pleasure. Kel moaned again.

“He’s missed you,” I said softly.

“I’ve missed him too,” Kel answered. “Missed both of you so damned much.”

I dropped onto my knees on the bed and crawled over to Kel. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around his waist. Straightening up I pulled him up against me. Kel whimpered softly and pressed up against my chest. My hands stroked his back, slowly working his t-shirt up over his head. I wanted to just throw him down and bury my cock inside him, but I wouldn’t: there was too much violence in his past for me to give in to that desire. I would be slow and easy and gently love him.

I ran my fingers lightly down, then up his back. Kel shivered and sighed in pleasure. Goosebumps erupted in the path of my fingers. I gently peeled Kel's arms from around my neck. He looked puzzled and opened his mouth to speak. I shook my head gently.

"Relax," I said softly. "Let me do the work here."

Kel leaned back against the wall, a lazy, sexy smile on his lips. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off him. His cock was hard and pushing at his shorts. There was a wet spot on the shorts already. I smiled, leaned forward and kissed him. He grabbed my head burying his fingers in my hair. I slipped my hands between the wall and his back and pulled him down onto the bed. He looked surprised and let go of my head. Gently I rolled him onto his stomach.

Lightly I started to stroke his back. My hands, while they were big, looked huge against Kel’s back. Gently I massaged the muscles, rubbing firmly, kneading deeply. Kel sighed in pleasure. One hand crept up and tucked itself under his cheek, dark curly hair lay across his cheek and temple. I leaned over and kissed his temple. He smiled and breathed my name. His eyes closed slowly.

"Hey!" I said. "Don't fall asleep."

"Not a chance," Kel grinned, his eyes still shut. "I want you to badly to sleep!"

I chuckled and rolled him over on his back slipping his shorts off him. His cock was drooling like a broken water pipe. I leaned over and swallowed it. Kel shuddered and slammed his hips into my face. He groaned and cried out my name; his fingers twisted in my hair as I slid up and down his smooth shaft. Twisting my body but never letting go of his cock, I maneuvered myself between his legs, pushing his legs up and attacked his cock with a vengeance! Kel moaned and thrashed under me. He pulled my hair a couple times, as he pushed my head down harder and harder. His hips bucked harder and harder, slamming into my nose so hard I expected to see blood. Kel's body arched and stiffened as the orgasm shot out of him. He twisted stiffly, his hands clenching the sheet. Suddenly he dropped onto the bed, panting and crying soft little noises.

I let his cock slide out of my mouth and laid my head on his thigh. The skin on the inside of his thighs was smooth with hardly any hair on them. A creamy unbroken white also unmarred by scars or any other blemishes. I stroked the right thigh lightly. He shivered: his body was just one large erogenous zone. I was delighted.

"Josh," he murmured softly.

I slid partway off the bed and located the tube of lube under the edge of the bed. Crawling back up, I leaned down and kissed Kel. He wrapped his arms and legs around me tightly. I shivered as excitement raced through my body. My cock was aching, throbbing, begging for release. I wedged my hands under Kel’s butt and pulled him up as I sat up. He let out a squeak of surprise and tightened his arms around my neck.

“I won’t drop you," I said softly. Long strands of black hair that had escaped the ponytail, hung in my face. Kel smoothed them back and tucked them behind my ears.

“I know,” he answered. “You just surprised me is all. I don’t react well to surprises, you know.”

I nodded, “I know, but you can trust me. You’ll like my surprises.” I grinned at him and he grinned back.

With one hand supporting Kel, the other hunted up the dropped lube. I found it and awkwardly popped open the top. Thank God for flip tops! I leaned backwards to support Kel better. He started to put his feet down on the bed.

“No,” I said tightening my grip on his waist. “Stay where you are.”

He wrapped his legs tighter around my waist and pulled upward resting heavily on my shoulders. I liberally drenched the head of my cock in lube. I put the tube off to the side where it might not get knelt on, rolled on or otherwise forced to give up its contents all over the bed sheets. With my hands firmly on Kel’s butt, I maneuvered my cock up against his hole. Kel sighed as it rubbed along his crack.

“Ready?” I asked.

Oh yeah,” he answered breathlessly.

One good push down and he was impaled on my shaft. Kel cried out in pleasure. His head fell backwards and his arms relaxed their stranglehold on my neck. I both supported him and lifted him up almost all the way off my cock. I let go and he slid down with a moan of pleasure.

"Yes," he hissed softly. "Oh yes.. oh Josh."

Having him in my arms and impaled on me was driving me crazy! I bounced him a couple more times feeling the friction of his body against my belly and his butt sliding up and down my cock. I dropped forward onto the bed. Kel grunted. He grabbed onto my biceps and tightened his legs around my waist. His butt muscles tightened their grip on my cock. I groaned and started moving, in and out, softly: firm even strokes that drove both of us wild.

Faster and harder, I drove into Kel. His cock hardened from the friction of rubbing against my belly. Deeper and deeper I drove. He cried out and clutched frantically at my arms and shoulders. This was heaven, buried deep in Kel, feeling heat and friction and listening to him cry my name. I reached down and hooked my arms around his knees pulling them up. Kel's cries raised in pitch as I pounded new spots in his tunnel. I kissed him, his mouth devoured mine. His hands pulled my head closer. He twisted his head to get deeper into my mouth.

I could feel my orgasm building. My speed increased until it was almost impossible to tell where one stroke ended and the other began. I let go of his legs and straightened my arms, breaking off the kiss. Planting my hands firmly on the bed on either side of Kel's head, I pounded him harder and harder. Kel's body arched and thrashed under me. His fingers dug into my shoulders; I was sure I'd have scratches in the morning.

When the orgasm came, my whole body jerked, slamming into Kel hard enough to force an "oof" out of him. I reared up pulling his hips against me. He clutched my forearms. My head fell backwards as I jerked deep with every shot. Far away, I could hear Kel repeating my name over and over. I dropped forward onto him remembering at the last moment to support my weight. My head drooped onto his shoulder. Kel stroked my hair.

When I raised my head, Kel's fingers were still in my hair. He pulled my head forward and worked the elastic out of my hair. Thick black hair tumbled down around my face and over my shoulders. Kel ran his fingers through my hair combing it out. I sighed, twisting my head in enjoyment. Pleasure rippled down my back like waves in a pond. He tucked the hair behind my ears. I turned my head and kissed his wrist. He shivered, his breath hissing between his teeth.

“Josh, “ he said softly. “I have so missed you. I have wanted you so bad. I want to wake up with you, I want to go to sleep with you.” His eyes shimmered at me and I felt like I was falling into them once again.

I sat up abruptly, my heart pounding and looked at him, studying him closely. Could it be? Was he really saying what I thought he was? Could he possibly be thinking of a committed relationship? Just the two of us? Kel looked at me his face reflecting anxiety.

“What?” He asked. “What did I say?”

He scrambled to a sitting position and wrapped his arms protectively around his knees. I watched his face shut down as he hid himself in the protective screens he had developed over his lifetime. I had seen so many expressions on his face: love, sadness, fear but this was an absence of expression that chilled me to the bone. I reached out and caressed his cheek softly.

“Kel, you are my love, my life,“ I said softly. “I have been so crazy without you the last couple days. You just said the very things I have been wanting so bad for so many years.”

His face lit up again and he launched himself at me. The impact knocked me over flat on my back, my head barely missing being cracked on the wall. I grunted. Kel’s face was inches from mine, his eyes shining and his smile ear to ear. I wrapped my arms around him.

“Kel, oh God Kel. I’d marry you if I could.” I kissed him deeply.

Kel broke off the kiss this time. “Josh?” he said slowly. “Josh, do you really mean that? Because I’ve been thinking and wondering and well dreaming that maybe, just maybe we could be .. you know a couple.” He looked away.

I rolled sideways, tucking him into the curve of my arm.

“Kel, I told you I am not going anywhere and that means I am NOT screwing anyone else either. I want a relationship, I want someone that is there for me. I want to lavish all my love on just one person, one special person: YOU!”

Tears sprang up in Kel’s eyes. I leaned down and kissed them away. His arms tightened around my neck.

“Thank you, Josh,” he said softly his voice trembling. He let go of my neck and turned so that we were nose to nose. “I have always been a one person man, whether that person was a man or a woman. Maybe its the crap done to me as a child that makes me attach to one person. I thought I was reading you as someone who wanted a monogamous relationship. But I decided I better ask, it’s better than assuming.”

I brushed his hair back from his face. My fingers lightly traced the contours of his face, his jaw and down his neck. I kissed him softly.

“Kel, I’ll buy you a ring just as soon as I have the money. Hell, I’ll buy you a DOZEN rings, but I am yours and only yours.”

Kel wrapped his arm around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder. I held him and rubbed his back and shoulders. Slowly he relaxed and stopped crying. He lay limply against me worn out by emotion and tears. I tucked a pillow under his head and rolled him onto his stomach, his back looked so fragile, the ribs showing and the interconnected lines of scar tissue. I massaged his shoulders, his skin felt tissue thin: wrapped over hard bone. I swallowed the anger and hugged the pain to myself as I worked the muscles in his back and neck and shoulders. Slowly his eyes closed. This time I let him go to sleep.

I slid backwards out of bed. Kel murmured softly but didn’t wake up. A pair of jeans was lying on the top of the hamper in the kitchen. I grabbed them as I walked past towards the bathroom.

I was sitting cross-legged on the couch writing Jem when Kel appeared in the doorway about an hour later. The living room runs lengthwise between the front bedroom and kitchen somewhat like the upright in a capital ‘I’ with the couch against the far wall facing the window. Kel leaned against the doorframe. His hair was mussed and his face looked puffy from sleep. He had put on his jeans but not his shirt. He studied the floor as if he'd never seen one before.

“Hi there,” he said.

“Good evening, sleepyhead,” I said.

“I fell asleep. Sorry.” He looked embarrassed and a little scared. I leaned forward and stretched out my hand to him. He placed his hand in mine. I twisted the ring on his thumb absently.

“Looks like you needed sleep. It‘s okay,” I said softly, pulling him towards me. He nodded.

“I haven’t slept well the last couple nights,” he paused thinking. “I’m not sure if it was because I missed you or maybe I am catching something or what. Probably stress about this silly book.”

“Kel.”

“Well, its finished. I brought it into my editor this afternoon. That’s why we were in town.” He smiled shyly. “That and to see you.”

I pulled him over to the couch and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I am so glad you did.” I kissed him on the belly. My tongue teased his navel. He giggled and then moaned. His hands clutched at my head and I tilted my head just enough to see up to his face. His head was tipped backwards and his eyes were closed. He had that sexy smile from earlier on his lips.

I ran my hands up his back and across his shoulders feeling tiny goosebumps pop up under my fingertips. Pulling him closer, I teased his navel some more, licking, sucking, twisting my tongue deep inside. I laid my head against his belly and panted: my breath brushing across the skin. He sighed softly. Kel combed his fingers through my hair.

“Josh, I have been happier in this last two weeks than I have been in.. OH! I don’t have any idea.. maybe ever. Thank you.”

My arms tightened around his waist and Kel ran his fingers through my hair from crown to ears. He pulled my head back and turned it up toward his face. The angle looking up made his chest seem longer and thinner than ever. He was smiling softly.

“I love you, Josh,” he mouthed.

I surged straight to my feet and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Crushing him to me, I blindly found his lips. Kel pulled my head close in a soul-shattering kiss. I wanted him so bad now. I wanted to show him in every way I knew, how much he meant to me.

Somehow, we made it to the bed again. I pushed him down on it, my mouth devouring his wildly. Kel squirmed under me, his back arching up to meet my chest. I pushed him up on the bed never breaking the kiss. Kel's hands pulled at the buttons on my jeans popping them open in one smooth pull. Together we undressed each other. I wrapped myself around Kel. I was his shield and his screen: I loved him and I didn't care about what was allowed or not. I was going to buy him a ring and put it on his finger and the hell with anyone else's opinion! This was MY man, for now and forever..

Revised November 18, 2006