Josh's Journey
By Dragonwriter
Chapter Eleven- November Chaos
The early
morning call to rescue Micah was the least of my concerns for November. Kel had
told me enough about Micah over the past two months that I wasn't
surprised when he leaped out of bed at
Micah wasn’t with Kel when he picked me
up from work that afternoon. Kel was leaning against
the car as I approached. Tova and
“What’s up?” I
asked wrapping my arms around his waist. I kissed his neck feeling the collar
of his sweater tickle my cheek. “The kids miss dad?"
Kel grinned and pulled the
elastic out of my hair. Black waves flowed down around my head and over my
forehead covering my face. Kel brushed it back and
looped the hair behind my ears.
“Ever think of
bangs?” He asked.
“You drove all
the way up here with the critters just to ask me about hair styling?” I quirked
an eyebrow at him and he snickered.
“I’m restless,”
he answered after a moment. “Micah always does that to me. It’s so emotional to
be with him.”
I hugged him; he
laid his head against my shoulder. I wanted to ask Kel
why he didn’t just wash his hands of Micah, but I
already knew the answer. Kel never abandoned his
strays.
“Did you find
his car?” I asked.
“Yeah, it had
been impounded but we got that straightened out. And
found his wallet, watch and keys on the floor of the car. He was pleased to
find his 200-dollar leather jacket in the trunk. Micah was worried it might
have been stolen and pawned. Apparently, he wasn’t in
total blackout when he left the club, although he doesn’t remember it. And then
we went to his work, he still has his job, thank heavens.”
I shivered goose
bumps rising down my arms. I couldn’t imagine
surrendering my control of my surroundings and myself like that. I would never
be able to allow someone to use me in any way. I squeezed Kel
again.
"Micah's
big boss at the bank is offering him a deal. If he goes into rehab for 30 days
his job will be secure."
"Think
he'll do it?" I asked.
"Well,"
Kel made a face. "Hard to say with Micah, but
this last episode scared him pretty badly. So I'm hoping he'll do it."
Kel sighed and I stroked his
back gently. Once again, I thought of what a great parent Kel
would be… and felt my gut twist in sorrow. Kel's head
rested against my chest. Tova made a low growling
noise; Kel reached over and rubbed his nose.
“Anyway,” he
said looking up his eyes bright. “I thought we could go to the park and do some
walking, take the kids and let them run a bit.There’s
restaurant near there that does a great carryout,” he paused, “unless you’re
too tired.”
I was tired, but
it did sound fun. In addition, Kel needed to burn off
his restlessness, so I agreed even though it would be dark soon. We stopped and
got some fried chicken and a couple bottles of water. With Tova
on a long leash and Crystal running free, we spent the evening until well after
nightfall roaming the paths. Perhaps it wasn’t the
safest or wisest idea to be there so late, but no one felt the need to challenge
Tova’s protectorship. Kel’s place was closest and my car was there so we returned
there.
Kel had picked up my mail
earlier from my place and told me that Micah had dropped a
glass and broke it, his shakes were so bad. I
studied Kel, there was something else but I didn’t push it. I just shrugged off the glass, it wasn’t important. Kel was relieved
and in fact estatic that there was no anonymous
letter. I was not so relieved. Two weeks in a row, I’d
received them now two weeks in a row I hadn’t. What was coming, I wondered. I
tried to convince myself that I was being unreasonable but my gut still told me
that something more was coming. But I kept my concerns
to myself, no reason to upset Kel with what might be
a false alarm.
On Wednesday,
before going home, I dropped by Antonine's. She
informed me that she was running behind but would make every effort to have the
rings finished by Thanksgiving. I thanked and hugged her. She laughed and told
me to git so she could go back to work.
The rest of the
week just seemed to slide by. Kel spent a large part
of his days with Micah, helping him make arrangements so he could go into
rehab. The evenings were spent, just the two of us, at
Kel's place, loving, and talking and reading. I was
reading Kel's books and to my monumental surprise
found that I was enjoying them a lot. They weren't
science fiction as in space ships and little green men attacking Earth but more
like adventures in colonizing other planets and dealing with other forms of
sentient life.
In the first
book, one of the characters went insane and Kel's
description of her descent into madness raised the hairs on my neck. I was
totally enthralled by it, in large part because I knew he KNEW exactly what he
was describing. I had to go and drag Kel upstairs to
the bedroom for some "us" time when I finished that part of the book.
Friday morning
was rainy and cool. Winter was on its way. I stood at the patio doors drinking
my coffee and looking out into the yard. So much had happened in the last two
months. I had never expected to find love wrapped in so bizarre a package, but
here it was colorful and exciting. I couldn't say that
Kel was exactly what I had been looking for, but he
was so much more INTERESTING than the average guy.
I jumped when
the phone rang; I had been so lost in my thoughts about Kel.
Reaching back, I lifted the receiver on the wall phone by the counter. I hoped
to get it before it woke up Kel.
"Hello?"
"Josh, its Kaleb. Xan said you'd be up by
now," Kaleb's voice rumbled through the phone.
"Yep,
what's up, Kaleb?" I asked leaning against the
patio door, the cold from the glass seeping through my jeans.
"I want to
offer you guys an early Christmas present."
"Christmas? What?" I asked.
"I want to
do pictures of you, the both of you."
"Pictures?" I said.
Kaleb sighed, "Josh, wake
up. I'm a photographer, among other things. Remember the art degree… the photography shop downtown? I
want to get you guys in the studio."
"Sounds
fun," Kel's voice broke in on the bedroom
extension.
"Kel! Are you eavesdropping?" I laughed.
"Nope, I
picked up and before I could get a word in you two started yammering," Kel laughed. "Anyway, when and
where, Kaleb?"
"Don't I
get a say in it at all?" I yelped in mock outrage.
"Oh, hush.
You just show up and look hunky," Kel teased.
Kaleb laughed, a pleasant
baritone rumble, "They will always lead us around by our
you-know-whats, Josh. Okay, how's
tomorrow morning sound? 10:30ish?"
Both Kel and I agreed that was workable. Kaleb gave directions to his studio
and after a little chitchat, he hung up. I
carried my cup and a second cup of coffee down the hall to the bedroom. Kel was sitting cross-legged in bed, the sheet pooling
around his jammy clad hips. His eyes were sleepy; he
looked utterly delicious. I handed him the cup. He smiled up at me.
I sat on the
edge of the bed and leaned forward to kiss him. Kel’s
lips were sweet and soft; just the touch of them made my heart pound faster. Or maybe that was the caffeine; I was on my third cup
already. He sipped his coffee his eyes watching me over the lip of the cup.
“Are you going
to be able to get some writing done today?” I asked him.
He nodded, “I
think so, Micah is leaving Monday. Everything is
arranged and in place. He‘s working today.. getting
his desk cleared that sort of thing. I‘ll probably have him following me around
like a puppy all weekend.” I scowled and then sighed.
“Think he’ll
actually go?”
Kel sighed, “I think so, but
Micah can be so unpredictable. I wish the rehab was closer, but the bank is
willing to pay for it."
I shook my head.
“Doesn’t seem like a really wise idea to me to be sending him to
Kel laughed, “I said the same
thing, but Micah’s boss says the rehab is in a small town about an hour outside
of
I rolled my
eyes. “Good lord, I don’t even want to think of Micah in Betty Ford!”
Kel laughed. The coffee in his cup sloshed. He sipped
some more of it, his eyes glittering. He held the cup loosely in his lap and
looked at me. His face was expressive, there was love and gratitude and a host
of emotions etched across it.
“Thank you for
being so understanding,” he said softly.
I smiled and
kissed him again. We talked for a few more minutes before I headed out to work.
I rolled the window in my car down a bit and turned off the radio. I liked the
sound of the rain as it splashed on the car and the road. Fortunately, for us
workers, the roof and most of the exterior walls were finished on the office
building we were constructing. It would be cold but dry inside. Kel had bought a big thick hooded sweatshirt from somewhere
that sold used clothing in good condition. I was grateful for the sweatshirt as
I climbed out of my car. Cold rain was coming down. I was also glad I had put
my boots on before leaving the house. I grabbed my tools out of the trunk and
sprinted inside the fence to the building.
My appointment
that evening, with Alejhandro went well. We talked
about schizophrenia and he gave me a list of books that were reasonably easy to
understand on the subjects of schizophrenia and childhood abuse. I was feeling
more and more confident about dealing with Kel and
not making mistakes or hurting him. Alejhandro also
verified my suspicion that Kel wore pyjamas and a belt for protection from a hypothetical
abuser.
"Sexually
abused people frequently ‘create’ a barrier between them and others in the form
of a belt or extra and often unnecessary clothing," he told me.
Kel had dinner ready when I got
there. The house smelled of pot roast. A bowl of potatoes and a fresh loaf of
French bread were on the table. I took a deep breath and sighed.
“You’re turning
into quite the little wife,” I grinned wrapping my arms around his waist. Kel laughed and pulled my head down into a soul-shaking
kiss. He freed my hair from the elastic and ran his fingers through it.
"You should
see me in a dress!" He teased. He struck a pose and pulled up the leg of
his jeans. He had on a dark green sweater that made his eyes look greener than
ever.
I shook my head.
"You don't have the legs for it," I grinned at him.
He laughed,
"I suppose this is the part where I start yelling at you about how you
take me for granted and have never loved me?" We both laughed.
"As long as
you don't start throwing mashed potatoes and roast at me," I kissed him.
"Weeeeelll..," Kel eyed the table. "Cleanup would be tremendously
fun!" He leered, his eyes dancing in mischief.
I laughed and
kissed him again. Before eating, I went to the bathroom and cleaned off at
least one layer of dirt. I peeled out of my sweaty t-shirt. There was a pile of
clean clothes on the bed; I pulled on a white t-shirt. Kel
had everything on the table by the time I returned. I sat down, a feeling of
contentment and happiness flooded through me as I looked around at Kel laughing and the canines following him around begging
for treats. Keeley was perched on the top of the
fridge. When Kel opened the door to get drinks she
squawked and jumped back ruffling her feathers. Kel
told her to hush. She hopped down onto his head and he transferred her to the
countertop. She waddled back and forth nagging at him. He brought the drinks to
the table and sat down; as usual, his knee under the table was touching mine.
There was peace
here. And love, an easy, quiet love that had no need
to prove itself. Kel bubbled with excitement about
the book he was writing and introduced me to the characters. I listened,
laughed, and commented. I felt like I had walked out of a hurricane into a
place of calm. All concerns for Micah, the anonymous letters, Mitch and
anything else were far away. All that mattered right now was listening to Kel, and feeling his hand on my arm and knee against mine.
“Micah told me a
joke today. It’s a pretty good one.” Kel grinned.
“Hokay,” I said around a mouthful of potatoes.
Kel grinned; his face had that
innocent look on it that told me I was going to be in trouble. He leaned back
in his chair and put his feet in my lap under the table. He took a sip of his
drink. I caressed his calf one handed.
“All right, Mary
and John are both inpatients at a certain mental hospital. And
after a time they get to be rather good friends. Well, one day John falls into
the pool. Mary knowing he can’t swim leaps in after
him. John is thrashing around and raising such a ruckus, but Mary somehow manages
to pull him out of the pool,” Kel paused for effect.
I eyed him suspiciously over a spoonful of potatoes.
“When the
hospital director hears about Mary’s act he decides to have her discharged as
mentally stable. Sadly, though, later in the day John is found
hanging in his room. He is, of course, quite dead.”
“Jeez,
KEL!” I
said my eyes wide.
“Keep up with me
here, Josh.” He grinned, “Anyway, the staff is just frantic. How will they
explain this to Mary? Finally, the hospital director calls Mary into his
office.
‘Mary,’ he says.
‘I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that we are going to
discharge you. Your bravery and good judgment today proves that you are
completely sane. But I’m afraid the bad news is that
we found John in his room today, he had hung himself with his bathrobe belt in
his bathroom. He is dead. I am so sorry!’ And Mary
replies ‘Oh, he didn’t hang himself... I hung him there to dry!’”
“KEL!” I yelped sending a spray of
potatoes and butter across the table. I started coughing and choking. Kel pounded on my back laughing hysterically.
I looked at Kel, his eyes were bright and he was laughing. If anyone
else had told me that joke, I would probably have reacted with fury. But I remembered Kel telling me
once that sometimes he had to laugh at himself, just to remind himself that not
everything had to be taken seriously. ‘If I start taking everything too
seriously, I start to get suicidal again’ he had added.
“Kel, that’s just wicked,” I said.
“I know,” He
answered. “But that’s not surprising considering its source.” Kel grinned at me. “But I about fell over
laughing when I heard it. I‘ll have to ask Dr. Reicher
if she‘s heard it. You should ask Alejhandro.”
“Oh, just what I
need: a reputation for telling bad jokes about mental patients,” I rolled my
eyes at him.
“HAH! You
laughed I saw you.” He leaned forward grinning.
I moved to grab
him and he dodged. But not enough: my arm caught him
and tumbled him out of his chair. I followed him down pinning him to the floor.
He laughed that deep husky laugh that drove me wild. I leaned down and kissed
him: a deep, hard kiss, his hands pulled me down against him. We made love
there on the dining room floor.
I woke up
Saturday morning feeling slightly anxious. After loving on the floor of the
dining room, we had cleaned up dinner and watched TV for a while before going
to bed. I wasn’t sure why I felt anxious at first and
then I remembered: the pictures at Kaleb’s studio.
I had forgotten
that Kaleb was also an artist and a photographer with
a high reputation in the
Like most people
without a lot of ego, I am not crazy about having my picture taken. But Kel had been all bubbly and
excited the night before, running about making sure our good clothes were
clean. Now in the early morning, I was feeling nervous. I sat up carefully but Kel woke up anyway. He smiled up at me.
“Good morning,”
he said, his eyes a deep foresty green.
I slid down and
wrapped my arms around him pulling him close to me. We kissed softly, tasting
each other. I couldn’t imagine how I had managed for so long without having Kel in my arms, without waking up to his kiss and falling
asleep with his head on my shoulder. I craved him like a drug and Kel was a drug I didn’t mind
becoming addicted to!
“What time is
it?” he asked running his fingers through my hair. I twisted around to see the
clock.
“
“Mmmm, then just enough time for some morning lovin!” Kel leered at me. I
grinned and dropped my head to kiss him.
Surprisingly, we
made it to Kaleb’s studio by
“Torie is setting up the camera equipment. Soon as she comes
out to take the counter, we’ll go back to the studio,” Kaleb
said. He offered us both a cup of coffee. Kel declined
but I accepted gratefully. Having a mug in my hands dispelled some of my
nervousness.
Kel looked around examining
displays. He questioned Kaleb closely about some of
the cameras and Kaleb answered enthusiastically.
“I didn’t know
you were a camera buff,” I said to Kel.
He grinned. “You
never asked,” Kel answered
and Kaleb laughed.
Torie appeared from the back. It
was easy to see she was related to Kaleb.
Torie was slightly shorter than him
with the same black hair and olive complexion. She smiled and shook hands as Kaleb introduced us.
Kaleb’s studio was a long room
running lengthwise across the back of the building. At one end was a jumble of
furniture and scenery props and at the other end filmy curtains were pulled
back and tied but could be pulled, on rods running the length of the room, to
almost anyplace in the studio. In the center of the room were two stools and a
couple of carpet-covered boxes. A bank of lights on wheels faced the stools.
Kaleb arranged us on the stools,
me on the shorter one because I was taller and took several pictures of the two
of us sitting on the stools, with the filmy curtains behind us, and a couple of
me kneeling on one of the boxes, arms around Kel's
waist. He also took a couple of us standing arm in arm. I was nervous and shy
of the camera but Kaleb had a laughing, teasing way
of getting his subjects to relax. And having Kel in my arms was intoxicating and soon I was floating,
wrapped in laughter, love and the feel of his body.
After Kaleb had taken a roll of us, he walked over to a long
table by the door. He set down his camera and picked up a different camera. He
looked at it carefully then set it back down.
“C’mere Josh, help me pull the bed out into the room,” he
said walking back towards the furniture.
“Bed?” I asked following him.
“Yep,” He
answered. He pulled a frame out from behind a high backed couch. I moved the
couch and helped him get it out. He pulled a
sheet-covered mattress out. Kaleb gestured to me to
move and I pulled the frame out to the center of the room. Kaleb
followed and dropped the mattress on the frame. He moved the stools and boxes
over against the wall.
“Okay, kids,” he
said. Kel laughed, he was about three years older
than Kaleb. “Strip, children.
Time to do a roll of private film. I call them “love”
shots.”
“Strip!” I yelped.
“Yeah,” he
grinned. “Oh, didn't I tell you about this part? I am SO naughty! I always do a
roll of naked ones. Whew! You should have seen Colin and Alex… had to hose
those two off afterwards!" He tried to look innocent. Kel
laughed. "I promise not to touch… well not more than necessary."
“Kaleb...” I said as Kel started
to unbutton my shirt.
“Oh shush,” Kel said softly. Kel pulled my
shirt out of my pants. I grasped Kel’s wrist tightly
stopping him.
“Kel… its porn!”
“Nope, not
technically,” Kaleb answered. “If I
sell it for mass consumption and with the intent of making money off of
titillating the buyer then its porn. But since
it’s a picture of YOU for the privacy of your own home, it doesn’t come under
porn. Also I‘m not charging you for these shots.” He
looked sober. "We don't get many chances to celebrate the beauty of our
relationships; this is my chance to you. This is the real reason I am taking
pictures today. The other pictures are just decoy to get you to relax.” He
grinned. "Besides, we NEED to have a shot we can send to Mother!"
“Kel,” I tipped up his head. “Are you sure? What about your
back?” I was almost sweating. I wanted nothing more than to pick him up and
run… run someplace safe where old evil couldn’t be put
out for everyone to examine.
“I’m okay,
Josh.” Kel laid his hand against my cheek. “My back
is just that: MY back. I don’t tend to advertise it,
but I don't hide it either. Anyone who has seen me without a shirt on has seen
the scars, Josh. And I haven't always been this thin.
Besides, I think it sounds fun and sensual and very, very,” Kel’s
voice dropped a couple octaves, “erotic, Josh.”
Kaleb wasn’t
kidding when he said Kel could lead me around by my
cock. That tone of voice sent frissons of pleasures through my body. I was
helpless to argue any further. I remembered Xan
telling me how terrified Kaleb was of AIDS and by
corollary, sex. So I was certain Kaleb
wouldn’t be turning this into an orgy.
“Torie?” I asked.
“She won’t
bother us,” Kaleb said. There was a
finality in his voice that was reassuring.
I’m not in love
with my body, it’s a good one I admit but I’m not one of those strut around
“admire me” types. And anyway, being in the same room
with Kaleb would have cured me of that feeling pretty
damned quick! There was no way I could compete with his build. But working construction for the last three years, plus
semi-regular gym time had firmed up my pecs and kept
my stomach flat. Taking off my pants was the hardest part; I’m
not a prude, just a very private guy. The lower part of my body belonged to Kel and his time with it was very private to me. But I was, at the same time, intrigued about what kinds of
pictures Kaleb had in mind.
“Josh, if I
thought you’d bottom, I might just jump at you,” Kaleb
grinned, his hand brushed across my belly barely touching it. I blushed bright red and Kel
snickered. Kel wrapped his arm around my waist and
leaned against my shoulder. His free hand rested against my belly. I wrapped my
arm around him and kissed the top of his head.
“Hold that pose!
Don’t move a whisker!” Kaleb shouted and retrieved
his camera off the table. Kaleb's reaction to Kel's back was totally
professional. He paled slightly and swallowed. His eyes flickered up to mine and
he moved slightly to the side; from that, point on he was careful to shoot at
an angle that wouldn’t show the scars.
Kaleb took several shots of us
standing in several different poses. My arms around Kel’s
waist, his arms around my neck, one shot from over my shoulder, one from over
his shoulder and several from the side. A side shot of him leaning against me,
looking down, then looking up, another of my hand on his cheek as he looked up
to me. I found it was easy to smile now. I was smiling at Kel.
I was showing him my love for him. I could tune out Kaleb
and his camera as I drowned in the deep green of Kel’s
eyes.
“The contrast
between the two of you is breathtaking,” Kaleb
observed as he reloaded his camera. “This is black & white film, your skin
tone on this film will glow, Josh.”
Kaleb arranged us on the bed
fussing and moving arms and legs around. He was trying to hide Kel’s thinness and scars as much as possible, which meant
bending me into all sorts of odd positions. Shots of me on top of Kel, chests touching, a shot of my head on his chest my
hair flowing down hiding my face, of us kissing, me on top of Kel his back arched and his head thrown back, not really in
ecstasy, but rather the result of a discreet tickle on the ribs not facing the
camera. Shots of Kel on his stomach and me against
his back, his head thrown back, my head ducked down
whispering in his ear.
Kaleb rolled us onto our sides, Kel's head pillowed on my arm as it crossed his chest, four
arms crossing over him hiding ribs and scars. Kaleb’s
voice was gentle and teasing; Kel reacted with
laughter and I relaxed. I wasn’t in a studio, I was
with Kel. I could feel his skin against mine; hear
his laugh, soft and low. My treasure was held safe in
my arms.
“Okay, that’s
the second roll of film,” Kaleb said putting the
camera down. “Get your clothes on.” He winked.
Kel and I dressed quickly. I
was semi hard as was Kel. His eyes told me he would
take care of that situation later at home. I helped Kel
button his shirt then tipped up his head and kissed him. He smiled. Yeah, I
definitely was planning on some “us” time when we got home.
Kaleb walked out with us. We
arranged to come back the next Saturday to look at the proofs and pick out the
ones we wanted printed. Kel was somewhat hyper and I decided I had better take a look at this meds
when I got home. Probably just excitement I told myself, but I wanted to be
certain. We talked with Kaleb for a bit. He asked
about Thanksgiving and I explained we were going to celebrate at Kel’s place. Mitch was going with Will to his parents.
“Well,” Kaleb said. “You are welcome at our place. It will be
crowded and noisy. My older sister, Anjelica, her
husband Peter and their kids will be there, my baby sister Julie and who or WHATever she is dating.” He
grinned. Julie was a political activist and had dated some really
odd men according to Xan. “And Dora and Kyle
will be there.”
“We’ll keep it
in mind,” I said. Kaleb nodded.
The drive home
was quiet and neither of us felt the need to talk. Kel’s
hand on my thigh was conversation enough. It spoke to me about love and
togetherness, about being happy and about sharing: sharing the good times and
the bad, sharing sadness. The gentle movements of his fingers thanked me for
listening.
As Kel predicted, Micah followed him around all weekend. Kel let him crash on the sofa downstairs. He never left Kel alone the whole weekend, much to my annoyance, except
to go to the bathroom. I was almost expecting him to climb into bed with Kel as well. Not that I couldn’t
tell by his face that he wanted to do just that. I got
seriously fed up with him on Sunday and left to go visit Xan.
Xan and Kaleb’s condo was downtown; we sat on the balcony, watched traffic,
drank beer and talked about nothing much. I’m not much
of a drinker but the beer was cold and the day was warm for a change. By the
time I got back home Micah had gone home to finish packing and Kel was full of apologies. I brushed them aside; I loved this man who cared so much for lost creatures. How could I
get angry at such a loving man?
The rest of the
week went by pretty quickly. Knightman
was giving us Thursday and Friday off. I was looking forward to the four-day
weekend, four days to spend with Kel! Kel took Micah to the airport on Monday and saw him off
onto the plane. It must have been an emotional experience because Kel was tired and out of sorts for the rest of the day. I
stayed in the background, not pushing him, just letting him work through it. If
he needed me, I was there ready to do whatever he needed. By evening, most of
the crankiness had worn off and he was ready to cuddle.
There was also
no new anonymous letters. I started to relax finally. Maybe it was all just a
Halloween prank. Mike let us off early Wednesday and I stopped in at Antonine’s place. She came out of the back smiling. The week before I had brought in a ring of Kel’s
so she could measure it.
“They are
finished,” Antonine said. “Give me just a minute to
get them polished and in a box.” I nodded and she returned to her workshop. I
wandered around studying the creations in the glass cases. Not only did she do
jewelry but also delicate sculpture in gold, silver and copper. The pieces were
abstract and most had a flowing contour to them. I was admiring one that made
me think of a waterfall when she returned up front. In her hands was a small
red box. She flipped up the counter and walked over to me.
"Do you
like it?” She asked gesturing to the sculpture I had been admiring.
"Yes,"
I answered. "I like the way it flows, like water."
She nodded.
"Thank you."
Antonine handed me the small box and
I opened it carefully. Nestled in a bed of red satin were two gold and black
rings. The gold shimmered in contrast to the deep black jadeite stones and the
jadeite glistened against the gold. The small bands of gold running around the
top and bottom of the ring were so delicate I was almost afraid to breathe on
them for fear of breaking them. I sucked in my breath, they were even MORE
beautiful than I had imagined. Tears prickled behind my eyes.
"Oh, Antonine," I said breathlessly. "They are
beautiful!"
"Thank
you," she said smiling.
“What did you
name them?” I asked remembering that she named all her creations.
“They are named
I
nodded, I liked that name. I would always called them
"Jeez, listen to me babble on here," I said blushing.
"Kaleb sounded the same way, when he picked up his rings. I
know what discrimination is, I have felt it enough in my own life. I don't envy
you guys your trials one bit." She pat my hand.
"Now go and put that on Kel's finger and show
the world you are NOT cowed one bit by ignorance and hate. And
if it doesn‘t fit bring Kel in and I‘ll resize it.
I‘ll be here Saturday."
I hugged her
again. I carried the box tightly in my hand out to the car. Setting the box
down on the passenger seat was almost painful, as if I had just severed my only
connection between Kel and me. I wanted to hold him
so badly now, to feel his arms around me and his lips on mine.
"Shake it
off, Josh!" I laughed and put the car into gear. I listened to the radio
on the way home. Peter Gabriel came on singing “In Your Eyes.” I turned it up
and sang along with it.
In your eyes,
the light and the heat
I am complete
in your eyes.
I see the
doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
The resolution
of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light
and the heat
in your eyes
Oh, I want to be
complete
in your eyes
I want to touch
the light
the heat I see in your eyes.”
Yeah, Peter had
it right. Just to see the love in Kel’s eyes. The way
he looked at me, the trust there, I had a knot in my throat thinking about his
green eyes looking up at me. My car growled as I missed changing gears. I
shifted again. I wanted Kel; suddenly I missed him as
much as if I had not seen him for weeks instead of hours.
The traffic
across I-90 slowed me down but once I was across
I was about nuts
by the time I pulled into the driveway at Kel’s
house. I wanted to hold him so badly. I grabbed the ring box and stuffed it
into the pocket of my jeans. I ran up the side of the garage and stopped just
before reaching the door. I turned and looked at the swinging banners and
windsocks remembering the first time I had walked up to the door. I had been so
nervous! I smiled now and opened the door.
Kel appeared from the kitchen.
He had a smudge of flour on his nose and flour on his t-shirt. I wrapped my
arms around his waist and pulled him close. His arms wrapped around my neck and
he returned my kiss enthusiastically.
“Yum,” he
grinned mischievously. “Dog kisses.”
I laughed and
hugged him tighter. His hip pressed against the box in my pants pocket. I was
on fire now.
“Is that a
banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” Kel
asked. He reached for my pocket. I grasped his wrist and held his hand away
from my hip.
“It’s a banana.
Don’t squish it,” I answered grinning. He squirmed his
hand loose.
“Never!” He said with a laugh.
His eyes asked
what was in my pocket. I smiled and shook my head. "Later" my eyes
said. I rubbed the flour off of his nose. He smiled
and pulled the elastic out of my hair. I shook my head, hair flying outwards.
It hadn’t been cut in months and was now about an inch
or two below the tops of my shoulders. I was considering growing it just to see
how long it would get! Mitch and I had seen “Dances with Wolves” earlier in the
year and Mitch had pointed out the longhaired Indian saying, “You should grow
yours out like that, Josh! It would look bitchen on
you!” Kel ran his fingers through it. I sighed in
pleasure.
“I ordered pizza
for dinner tonight. The kitchen is a disaster. I have been baking pies all
day!”
“Yumm! Are you expecting the Supersonics or something
tomorrow?” I teased him.
He laughed,
“It’s a special Thanksgiving for me.” He ducked his head, “I want it to be
perfect, you and me.”
I tipped his
head up, “Anywhere you are, Kel, is perfect for me.”
He smiled, “Thank you, Josh!”
Kel followed me to the
bathroom, leaned against the wall with the shower door open a crack, and
rattled on enthusiastically about his baking. He leaned in, took the washcloth
from me, and washed my back. I sighed in pleasure. He also toweled me down when
I climbed out of the shower. I scooped up my clothes and dropped them into the
hamper. I’d come back later for the ring box.
We made sure the
pizza girl was well tipped for her efforts and carried
the boxes, a couple sodas and a roll of paper towels downstairs to the TV room.
Kel and I played Nintendo, ate pizza and watched TV
late into the night. Pizza crusts and the ends of the breadsticks were divided between Tova and
Crystal with small bits going to Keeley and the cats.
The kittens had gotten big enough that there was no place safe to walk anymore!
Kel was worried about keeping all four kittens but he
didn't have the heart to get rid of them either. I
promised to ask around and see if I could find good homes for them.
Finally, very
early in the morning, Kel drowsing on my shoulder, I
hooked an arm under his shoulders and pulled us both upright. He fussed about
the mess as I propelled him towards the door.
"I'll take
care of it in the morning," I said softly. "There isn't anything left
the critters can spread around. Let's go to bed."
Kel shivered and leaned into my arm. He drifted off
to sleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. I sat up and read for a
little while. Every now and then, my eyes would stray down to him. Thick dark
lashes lying on a pale cheek, I knew what I would be giving thanks for on the
morrow!
By the time I
woke up, Kel was already up. I could smell turkey
cooking and coffee brewing. It was such a homey combination of smells that
suddenly I was feeling homesick. I missed my family more than I wanted to
admit. I had a couple nephews and a niece I had never even met! I was looking
forward to June to see my family no matter how awful some people in town might
be.
I crawled out of
the warm bed and stretched. I was all alone in the room. I grinned; no doubt,
the canines weren’t going far away from the oven and
turkey!
“And the cats as
well,” I muttered visualizing the small kitchen knee deep in furry creatures.
Snagging a pair of jeans off the pile by the closet, I went to the bathroom
then down the hall to the kitchen.
The kitchen was
a paradise of smells.
"Good
morning," I said wrapping my arms around his waist.
"Morning,"
he answered.
I kissed him
tasting coffee. He leaned in and pulled my head closer. My hands ran up his
back caressing him lightly. He moaned in pleasure. I raised my head and studied
him. The dark tangle of curls, shimmering green eyes, he was so pretty and so
fragile. Kel was wearing a blue tank top tucked into
the pair of jeans with the hole in the knee. As usual, his jeans were tightly belted, but they still rode low on his hips.
I got a cup of
coffee and the bottle of milk and moved around to the other side of the
counter. Sitting there, I could watch Kel and talk to
him but not get in his way. I loved to watch him move: he was so graceful,
smooth and sleek. I felt so in love with him right now. I thought about the
rings in my jeans pocket in the hamper.
“When should I
give it to him?” I wondered to myself. I was so eager to see his face when he
saw it. I went back and forth between now and after dinner. I finally decided
that I wanted to give it to him when he’d have the
time to appreciate it and not be distracted by the other things he was doing. Also, I wanted it to be romantic. So
definitely after dinner.
After finishing
my cup of coffee, I decided to take a shower. I was just relaxing under the
spray of hot water and stroking my semi hard cock when the shower door slid
open. Kel stepped in grinning.
“Is this a
private party or can anyone join?” He asked wrapping
his hand around mine. The added pressure on my cock hardened it instantly.
“Please come
in,” I said.
I stepped back
and Kel shut the shower door. I ran my hands up his
arms and cradled his face in my hands. He smiled but never let go of my cock. I
pulled his face to me; our lips met and the world slipped away. All I knew, all
I felt, all I heard was Kel and the shower. Hot water
pounded on my back. His mouth was sweet with the taste of everything he had
been cooking as well as the sweetness that was Kel. Kel's free hand stroked my body, sliding smoothly through
the water. Involuntarily, I broke off the kiss, my head falling backwards. Kel's hand ran up my body and across my pecs.
A soft moan escaped my lips.
“Kel,” I said softly.
He laid his
fingers against my lips. A touch so soft, so ethereal I had to look to make
sure they really were there. I leaned down to kiss him again. For a while,
there was nothing but the hot shower and Kel in my
arms. Kel’s lips explored my jaw line and my neck. I
hissed as he sucked at my neck. There would be a mark, I was certain. Kel pressed me against the shower wall. His lips worked
their way down my neck and shoulders. I moaned and held his head in my hands.
Kel’s teeth teased my nipples
giving me momentarily lightheadedness. My knees shook
and I felt my back start to slide down the wall. Cold, then
hot tiles against my back. Kel’s hands
supported me, holding firm to my hips. Control of my knees returned and I was
able to stand again. His tongue lapped at the water on my belly, teasing my
abs. I’d never have a “six pack” But the muscles there
were firm and hard anyway. Kel’s tongue slid lower.
My hands clenched in his hair.
“Kel, oh God, Kel,” I moaned.
Hot shower water
splattered against my chest and belly, Kel's tongue
followed lines of fire down to my groin. I twisted in pleasure as he swallowed
my cock. Wet hair brushed my belly. Kel slid down,
and then pulled up over and over again. My head and
body exploded in fire. Fire raced out to my fingertips and down to my toes. I
shook and twisted my shoulders and head. My breath seemed to clog in my throat
and I struggled to breathe.
Suddenly it felt
as if my body was actually going to explode; my back arched as I shot load
after load down Kel’s throat. My knees shook and my
hands gripped his hair.
“KELLLLLLLLL!” I screamed, my body shaking
violently.
Kel shot to his feet and
wrapped himself around me. I slammed the water off and flung the shower door
open so hard it bounced and shut. I pushed it open again and stepped out, my
arms supporting Kel as I carried him into the bedroom
and dropped him on the bed. He lay there looking at me, water streaming off his
sides. I was almost out of my head when I dropped onto him, my mouth seeking
his blindly. I devoured him as if he were the Thanksgiving feast. I wanted him,
his body, his heart and mostly his love. Far away, I could hear his cries and
my name repeated over and over, but all I knew was my
desire for him, my need to feel, taste and drown in his body. I loved him,
needed him, craved him.
Somehow, we did
actually get a shower that morning. Afterwards we dressed each other and
changed the sheets on the bed. Kel dug deep into his
closet and found a black, soft sweater with a high collar made of a thick yarn.
He stood for a moment looking at it in his hands. When he looked up at me, his
eyes were glassy with unshed tears.
“Kara made this
for me.” He looked down then up. “Just after I proposed to
her.” He sighed and pulled the sweater over his head.
“Kel,” I said softly.
I
turned and walked into the bathroom. Now was the moment. I found the small red
box in my jeans. My hand clenched over it. I returned to the bedroom, Kel was standing at the window between the closet and wall,
he turned to look at me: his eyes were haunted. The sweater on him looked
adorable; as I am sure, Kara well knew it would. His dark curls tangled with
the turtleneck collar and framed his face almost heart-breakingly.
I stopped and sucked in my breath. God, how I loved this man.
“Josh, I’m sorry.
I won’t mention Kara again…” his voice tapered off.
I crossed the
room rapidly and pulled him into my arms. He wrapped his arms around my neck
and clung to me. I backed him up to the bed. He toppled backwards into the
tangled blankets pulling me along with him. I kissed him.
“Kel,” I said breathily. “I have you. I don’t
care if you talk about Kara or Micah or any other FORMER lover. They aren’t here, I AM! Oh Kel, I love
you so much!”
Kel wrapped his arms around my
neck and pulled me down close to him. Our lips met in a kiss that penetrated to
my very soul. I felt him in the same way I felt my heartbeat. I raised my head
to look at him; his eyes shimmered and he was smiling. I rolled onto my side
and pulled him close.
“Kel,” I said softly. “I can’t knit but maybe this will make
up for it.”
I held up the
red box. Kel’s eyes widened and he sucked in his
breath audibly. His hand gripped my hand. He twisted his head sharply to look
me in the eyes.
“Is that what I
think it is?” He asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
I nodded. His
head swiveled back to look at my hand. I thumbed the lid open. The rings
shimmered in the light. Kel sucked in his breath.
“Oh my God,” He
whispered. “O my God, Josh!” Tears were running down his face. He cradled the
box and my hand in his hands.
“Please, Kel, will you be mine? Will you be the one I trust to be
there for me? Will you accept my love, my body and anything else I have to give
you? Will you be my man, now and forever?”
Kel surged into my arms
knocking me over onto my back. His arms were wrapped
in a chokehold around my neck. He sobbed loudly into my hair. I stroked his
back and held him. My own breath was coming in fits and starts and tears were
flowing down my face.
“Josh… oh Josh…
yes, yes, yes, Josh!” Kel repeated those words over and over again.
After several
minutes, he relaxed against me. I rolled sideways and laid the ring box on his
belly. He stared at it hardly daring to breath. His ring was smaller, his
fingers being thinner and more delicate than mine. I
slipped it on his left ring finger. The gold and black shimmered against his
skin. He stared at it transfixed. I leaned down and kissed him.
“Kel, I love you and I will love you forever, I promise,” I
nodded at his hand. “This is my promise.”
Kel grabbed the ring box off
his belly and rolled over onto his knees. He pulled the larger ring out and
looked at it. The jadeite winked in pleasure. He looked at me and took my left
hand. The gold was cool for a moment then heat flowed up my hand to my arm. I
sucked in my breath this time and felt fresh tears start down my cheeks.
“Josh,” Kel stopped a puzzled look on his face, for once words had
escaped him. “For a man who makes his living assembling words, I am strangely
at a loss for any words to express my feelings. To say I am happy is silly. Ice
cream makes me happy and this is a far more intense feeling. I
am overflowing, I am going to explode! I am
ecstatic. I am filled with more feeling than I ever thought possible. I am...”
he trailed off.
I reached up and
stroked his face. He purred softly. His hair was soft and damp against my
fingers.
“Josh, I promise
to be here for you. I will give you all the love in my heart. ‘For the dream that danced into my life and promised to protect me
always. To the voice I adore and the smile, I drown in. Always and forever to Josh’.”
I crushed him to
me. At that, moment I had no plans whatsoever of EVER letting go of him.
However, a crash in the kitchen sent him flying to find out who had gotten into
what. I laid there for several minutes awash in emotion.
The rest of the
day was anti-climatic. We both walked around with silly grins on our faces. And every so often Kel would grab
my left hand and kiss the ring. I made a silly joke about not being the Pope
and we both laughed but it didn’t stop him. We were
both floating in a haze of emotion and love. Together, bound
by love, a love symbolized by the twin rings on our hands. Together we
would celebrate our life, our love and our belief in the power of that love.
Revised