The Light in Your Eyes

By Tinnean

Chapter 21

It was a miserable gray day a couple of weeks later. I was in my office setting up a spreadsheet for a possible client when I heard a key in the lock. A glance at the clock on my computer showed that it was only mid afternoon. I got up and went into the foyer, just as Wills let himself in the door.

"You're home early, babe. What's up?" When I would have kissed him, he held his hand out.

"Stay away from me." Before I had the chance to feel hurt, he gave a violent sneeze.

"Bless you."

"Thank you. Dammit. I think I'm coming down with something. I've been sneezing all afternoon."

"Oh, babe… "

"I feel like shit." There were twin spots of hectic color on his cheeks. "Mr. Vincent took one look at me and sent me home."

"You need to be in bed." I rubbed his shoulders. "I'll make you something that will be good for what ails you."

"I'm not hungry." He pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose.

"Good thing. I don't have any soup in the fridge, and I'll have to make it from scratch. Chicken, okay?"

"You don't have to do that."

"If you're just gonna talk bullshit, keep your mouth shut."

"Yes, sir." He gave a massive shiver.

"Asshole." I pressed my palm to his forehead. "You're hot."

"I know, babe. You've told me that often enough." He tried for a jaunty, devil-may-care grin, but it wasn't very successful. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, and his nose could have rivaled Rudolph's. He removed his overcoat and hung it in the closet.

"Smart ass. I think you're running a fever. What happened to your… Wills! Your shirt! Your suit jacket!"

He sneezed.

"Bless you."

"Thanks. That's what happened to them. I was drinking a cup of coffee and sneezed. Man, I was lucky I didn't get it on Mr. Vincent. I sneezed so hard I thought my brains were gonna shoot out my ears."

I patted his shoulder. "Poor baby. Okay, get out of those clothes and into your flannel jammies."

"Ha ha. Would you… " Wills sneezed again.

"Bless you."

He sighed. "That's gonna get old real fast, Theo."

I kissed his cheek. "Not for me. I bless every day that you're in my life."

"Ah, babe… " Another sneeze. "I'm not supposed to get sick! An employee of … " Three violent sneezes in a row. "I'm not supposed to get sick!" He looked baffled.

"Right, tough guy." I ruffled his hair gently, in case he also had a headache he hadn't mentioned. "Go on. Take a couple of Tylenol, get changed, and get into bed. You want rice or pastina in your soup?"

"Rice please, Theo?"

"Okay. I'd better get it started now. And don't worry about your suit. I'll take it to the cleaners tomorrow."

"Thanks, babe."

I turned up the thermostat and went into the kitchen. Miss Su, the American Bobtail kitten he'd given me for Christmas, followed me.

"Mrrow?" She sat hopefully by her food bowl.

"Sorry, Miss Su. It isn't time for your dinner."

"Mrrow." She blinked and came to me, stropping herself against my legs as if to assure me there were no hard feelings, then sauntered out of the room.

I took down a 6 quart soup pot from the pot rack Wills had built and suspended from the ceiling for me, and filled it with cold water. We'd gone food shopping a couple of days earlier, and there was a package of chicken breasts in the fridge. I pulled it out, rinsed them off, and put them in the pot. Once it came to a boil, I'd skim off the scum and turn the flame down so it would simmer gently for an hour and a half.

Wills might not be hungry enough to eat the chicken tonight, but he could have it tomorrow. And if he wasn't in the mood for it, I could always make chicken salad.

As for the rice, I didn't keep minute rice in the house, and it would take at least half an hour for it to cook, so I'd wait until the soup was almost done.

While the soup simmered, I took a can of ginger ale from the fridge, popped the top and stuck a straw in it, and went into the bedroom. Wills was nowhere to be seen, but the bathroom door was open, and I heard the toilet flush and the water run.

"You okay in there, Wills?" I put the can of soda on the night table by his side of the bed and switched on the electric blanket so the sheets would be nice and warm.

"Almost done, babe."

The weak, wintry afternoon sunlight spilled through the windows, and I pulled the curtains closed and turned on the bedside lamp.

Wills' gun wasn't in sight, and I assumed he'd put it in the gun safe on the top shelf in the closet, something he did no matter what. He'd left his jacket and trousers lying across the bed rather than dropping them on the floor, and I blew out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. If he was being careful of his clothes, then this wasn't going to be one of those times when he came home from work so wiped he left them lying where they fell and succumbed to restless, disturbed dreams that left him even more wiped.

As I emptied his pockets, I glanced idly at a newsletter that had been in the inner pocket of his jacket. It had been folded open, and the three pictures on the page caught my eye. They had obviously been taken at the office Christmas party.

One was of a woman who looked like a young Ingrid Bergman. Wills' secretary? She stood with a microphone in her hand, and the caption read, 'Arianne DiNois entertaining us with her rendition of 'Santa Baby.'

The second was of a good-looking man exiting a closet. Because the pictures were in black and white, I couldn't tell what color his hair was, but he seemed to have very light eyes. He was holding what looked like a sprig of mistletoe between his fingers, his hair was mussed, and there was a smug, satisfied grin on his face. 'Who was Jake Howard kissing in the closet?'

The third was Wills… Wills? 'William Matheson, demonstrating his ability to have a scintillating conversation with anyone.' He was standing next to a coat rack, apparently in a deep discussion with a hat and an overcoat. I couldn't prevent a snort of laughter.

"What's so funny?"

"Were you drunk, babe? I don't think I've ever seen you… " I turned, holding out the newsletter, then tossed it aside when I saw my lover's face. He was drawn and pale, and shivers wracked his body. "Never mind. Get in bed. Did you take your temperature?"

"No. I didn't know we had a thermometer." He was wearing green and black plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a white undershirt, and goosebumps dotted his arms.

"Everyone has a thermometer."

"I don't. Didn't."

"Macho smuck." I deliberately mispronounced the Yiddish word hoping for a laugh. It got me a half-hearted smile. I went into the bathroom and rummaged in the medicine cabinet. I knew there was a digital thermometer in there somewhere. The boys had been healthy for the most part, but when anyone had come down with a cold or the flu, Paul had been the one to take care of them, and he'd insisted on having a thermometer in the house. "Gotcha!"

Wills was in bed when I returned with the thermometer, the covers up to his chin. He opened his mouth obediently, and kept the slim silver point under his tongue. The numbers flashed on the LCD screen, quickly rising above 100, 101, 102.

It beeped, and Wills removed it from his mouth, squinting at the read out, but I took it from him.

"What's it say, babe?"

"102.5."

"That's not too good. I generally run a degree below normal." That meant this was equivalent to 103.5. I wasn't happy about that, but before I could say anything, he sneezed, a very wet sneeze, and I handed him a tissue. He angled up on an elbow and blew his nose, wincing. "Damned tissue feels like sandpaper," he groused. His poor nose was so red.

I went into the bathroom and took a jar of Vaseline from the medicine cabinet. Instead of giving it to him to put on his sore nose, I did it myself.

"That feels good."

"Good. Is your throat sore?"

"It's a little scratchy."

"Did you take the Tylenol?"

"You told me to, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but did you take it?"

"Yes, daddy."

"Wiseass. I'm gonna check the soup."

"Okay. I could use something to drink while you're in the kitchen… "

"No sooner said than done, babe. I brought you some ginger ale."

"Thanks, Theo. My Mom used to give me ginger ale when I was sick… "

I brushed the hair off his forehead. He must have been thirsty. In a matter of seconds he was making slurping sounds through the straw.

"Let me take that. You try and sleep now. I'll be back to check on you, but I won't wake you until the soup is done."

"'Kay." He turned on his side – facing my side of the bed – and pulled the covers around him. I tucked them in so no stray draft could get in and chill him. "Thanks, babe."

"You're welcome." I dropped a kiss on his hair and straightened and looked around to make sure everything was neatened up.

All that remained was to put his shoes in the closet, and once that was done, I scooped up the kitten, who had come in and made herself comfortable behind Wills' knees.

"Come on, Miss Su. You don't want to disturb Daddy when he isn't feeling well."

She butted my chin with her head and purred, and I turned off the lamp. I left the door ajar so I could hear him if he needed me and called me.

If he needed me…

"Y'know something, Miss Su? Daddy is the first one who ever needed me. That's pretty cool, isn't it?" I took her continued purring as agreement and gave her a light squeeze. "Let's go see how the soup is coming along."

****

Wills wasn't sick for long. With the help of the Tylenol and plenty of fluids, his temperature was back to normal in a couple of days, and after it had been normal for twenty-four hours, he went back to work and I went back to preparing clients' income tax returns.

In more ways than one, things were back to normal.

****

Valentine's Day was coming up. I wanted to give my lover something special, something that he could wear always, have with him always.

The sales associate at Mount Olympus, the exclusive jewelers that was a few doors down from Beau Brummel's, had taken out a velvet tray containing 24 karat gold chains, and I studied the different types of links. I had selected a gold Virgo charm surrounded by jade – Wills' birthstone – and it was being engraved. In the case beside the chains were wedding bands, and after a wistful glance at them, I turned my attention back to the chains.

"This one, I think." I handed him one that was twenty-eight inches long. Once the charm was suspended from it, it would rest above just my lover's heart.

"That's rather masculine, don't you think?"

"I'd hope so… " The name tag on his breast pocket said Mason. "… Mason. It's for a masculine kind of guy."

He blinked. "Oh. I see."

"Good." I could have whipped out the money clip that had been among the gifts Wills had given me for my birthday on New Year's Day – my birth sign, Capricorn, was on it, with dark red garnets for the goat's eyes – and I could have peeled off the bills and said grandly, 'I'll pay in cash.'

Mason's eyes would have widened, because not many people carried around that much cash.

But I did the smart thing. I took my wallet from my pocket, selected a platinum credit card, and slid it across the counter to him.

"Sweetcheeks? Is that you? Hey, man! Long time no see."

The sales associate pretended to be busy making sure I'd signed the credit card and that the expiration date was valid, but I could almost see his ears prick up.

I put my wallet back into my pocket and turned around. "Hello, Kip."

The young man who stood before me had once belonged to a pimp who catered to clients who liked their boys to be boys and didn't care if they were drugged out to boot. Our stable had done a little arm-twisting and got Kip out of there, but he hadn't stayed with us for long, preferring the glamour of Charlemagne's stable. He hadn't stayed there very long either, having a coke habit that didn't make him a likely choice for kind of clients Charlemagne's boys drew, and the last I'd heard, he'd moved North.

Kip had to be around twenty-one or -two now, although he didn't look more than sixteen. I wondered if he was off the shit. He looked healthy and downright gorgeous – blond hair tied back in a pony tail, hazel eyes, and a mouth that promised heaven on earth. He wore a pair of designer jeans that highlighted every muscle and line of his long legs, Nike running shoes, and a denim jacket with patches from various rock concerts. I felt old in the casual slacks and blazer I had chosen to wear.

"I'm not Kip this trip."

"What are you calling yourself these days?"

"Bailey."

Bailey? I cleared my throat. "Nice name."

He gave a short laugh and hunched his shoulder. "The guys who's paying my bills right now likes it."

Right. "You're looking well. Are you off the shit?"

"Yeah. Dan, my boyfriend, helped me. He stood by me the whole time." Kip bit his lip. "The thing is, once I got clean, he didn't want me any more."

Because he couldn't be the hero who was saving the rentboy? I rubbed Kip's shoulder. "But you stayed clean?"

"Uh huh. I don't know who was more surprised, me or Dan. Oh, yeah, he came back one more time to see how I was managing. When he realized I wasn't using, he split for good. That was about six months ago."

The bastard.

"How about you, Sweetcheeks? How are you?"

"I'm good."

"You're looking good. Where've you been keeping yourself?"

"I've been around. I'm not in the business any more."

"Yeah, you have a boyfriend now. That was the word on the grapevine. 'Sweetcheeks gave it all up for the love of a good man.'" Who was the brittle mockery in his voice directed at, me or him? "And how long will it be before it occurs to the man of your dreams that you've been had by just about everyone in town, that he can do better?"

"What makes you think something like that would happen?" It had been my worst nightmare, but after the New Year's Eve Ball, I'd begun to accept that my lover wouldn't do that to me.

Kip suddenly looked older. "I don't think, Sweetcheeks. I know." His kept his voice down, but his bitterness was apparent.

"Because it happened to you?"

There was a little-boy-lost look in his eyes, and then it vanished. "It doesn't matter. I'm on my own now, and I answer to no one."

Except the man who was keeping him. "I heard you were living in the Big Apple."

"I am, and I'm making damn good money."

"For how much longer?"

He shrugged. "As long as I keep working. When this guy cuts me loose, there'll be someone else. There always is."

"Have you saved anything?" I started to reach for one of the business cards Wills had printed up for me, 'Theo Bascopolis, Accountant at Large.' I'd offer to do Kip's taxes for him, look over whatever finances he had.

"You're sounding like an old worrywart."

"Maybe, but I'm an old worrywart who won't have to peddle his tail when he's 65."

Kip flinched.

"I'm sorry." Not for what I'd said, but for the fact that he might very well be on the streets in forty years, if he was still alive. "So, uh… Are you planning to come back to DC?"

"I don't think so. I'm… happy… in the Big Apple."

"You always did like the bright lights, if I recall correctly. Why are you here then?"

"For the Valentine's Day Ball, darling. But what else?"

"You never came to any of the other Balls."

"No. Dan didn't want me to. Since we're not together any more, I thought I'd come down this year, touch base, see what's going on. Are you going to be there?"

"Not likely. Since I'm out of the business, Le Roi doesn't think I belong."

"Who got voted in this year?"

"Grand Prix."

"Grand Prix? Grand asshole you mean!"

"You've got that right."

"I would have thought the boys would all be dying to meet your man."

"They did meet him. At the Halloween Ball."

"Huh?"

"I was Zorro, and he went as the Lone Ranger."

Kip's eyes widened. "That was him?"

"Yes." I was pleased that he was so impressed.

"Oh, wow! There was some stir the next day. We even heard about it in New York. That costume… "

"Yeah." I laughed. I didn't think Wills realized it was actually a stripper's version of the Lone Ranger's outfit.

"You left before it was time to unmask." Kip's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

I shrugged. "He had work the next day."

"Is that what you told everyone at the ball? Did they believe you?"

"I don't see why they shouldn't have. It was the truth."

"Was it the whole truth? Or were you afraid one of the boys would make a play for him and take him away from you?"

"Of course not." If only out of professional courtesy. "Besides… " I started to tell him about the New Year's Eve Ball.

"You know it will happen one day."

"What will?"

"He'll leave you."

"He won't. He loves me."

"Y'know, we always thought that was just a fairy tale, one of us being rescued from 'the life' by Prince Charming. What's his name, anyway – the boyfriend who took you away from all this?"

I hesitated.

"Fine. Don't tell me, but face it, Sweetcheeks. You're used goods. We all are. And one day he'll realize that and… "

"Excuse me. If you'll sign the slip, sir?" The sales associate handed me the merchant's copy and a pen and placed the maroon velvet jeweler's case with the Pegasus logo on the glass counter.

I scribbled my name on the slip, pocketed my copy, and took the case that held the chain and the charm.

"Can I see?"

I had to check it anyway, so I opened the case. The chain and the charm had both been buffed.

"He's a Virgo?"

"Yes."

Kip turned over the charm. "'Love always, Theo'?"

Even after all this time, I still couldn't say those three words to my lover. Even my original admission had been, 'because I don't love him!' referring to Mark Vincent.

I'd wanted to have something special engraved on the charm, and I'd thought about it a long while, trying to come up with something clever and eloquent that would let Wills know how much I cared, how much joy and pleasure he'd given me in the nine months that we'd been together, how much it meant having him in my life. Finally I'd given up and settled for the banal, 'Love always, Theo,' even though it was heartfelt.

"Who's Theo?" I gave him an exasperated look, and he bit his lip. "Sorry. That's your name, Sweetcheeks?"

"Yes." I slid the charm onto the chain and put in into the case, then handed it to Mason. "Wrap it, please." I turned back to Kip. "Well, it was nice seeing you again, Kip. Sorry. Bailey."

"Fuck it, Kip is fine. It's hard for us to change our stripes. Look, Valentine's Day is this Friday. I'm staying in suite 1276 at the Harrison Hotel for the next couple of weeks. Why don't you come by for a drink?"

"Bailey?" A stout man who looked to be in his 50s approached us. "Have you selected your bauble? Well, hello." His eyes crawled over me. "Why don't you introduce Daddy to your… friend?"

It was all I could do to prevent a shiver. There had been a time when I'd have had to do anything this man paid me to do.

"This is Sweetcheeks. He used to run one of the stables I belonged to."

I was relieved he hadn't given him my real name. Sometimes that was all we boys had that we could call our own.

"Do I know you?" 'Daddy' dragged his gaze over my body and licked his lips. "You look very familiar."

"I'd remember you, I'm sure." The habit of being polite to a john was hard to break.

Mason returned with Wills' gift. It was wrapped in paper covered in hearts and cupids and placed in the little shopping bag with the Mount Olympus logo on it.

"Thank you." I took the shopping bag from him.

"Thank you, sir. I hope you'll come again." He observed the little tableau avidly, then moved a little further down the counter, but not so far that he couldn't overhear our conversation.

"Join us for a… drink," 'Daddy' suggested. "You don't look much older than Bailey; I'd like to see the two of you together."

"As Bailey mentioned, I'm no longer in the business."

"Pity. Perhaps you'll change your mind?" He forced a business card into my hand. "I'm often here on business, and I pay well. Bailey can tell you."

"Yes. He's very… generous." Kip's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Daddy, I like this Cartier watch." He handed it to him. "Will you pay the nice man?"

"Certainly, baby boy." He leered and patted Kip's ass. "You there!" He swaggered to where Mason stood. "Ring this up and don't take all day about it!"

Kip drew me a few feet away. "Come to the Harrison, Theo. I'd really like to see you. It will be like a … like a high school reunion." He could see I was about to tell him no. "He will let you go, won't he?" He flicked the bag with a fingernail. "Or are you his pet? Does he have you on a leash?"

"He doesn't need to keep me on a leash." I tore up the business card and left the pieces on the counter. "He knows I won't screw around on him."

"He knows? How can he know?"

"He loves me."

"Do you know how lucky you are?"

I knew. Every night I thanked whatever god there was who looked out for ex-rentboys for having Wills in my life.

"If you'd rather not meet at the Harrison, then choose somewhere else. It would mean a lot if I could see you. Just to talk," he assured me.

"Will he be there?" I gestured toward his sugar daddy.

"I can make sure he's busy somewhere else. Look, I… It really is important I talk to you. I have something… " There was a hint of desperation in his words.

"Kip, if this john bothers you that much, dump him."

"You think that's what it is?" His laugh was bitter, and 'Daddy' glanced over and frowned. "I know how to handle men like him."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Sweetcheeks. Not a fucking thing. I'm living the high life."

If he wouldn't talk to me, there wasn't much I could do. "I've got to run, Kip. If I decide to come, I'll give you a call."

"Yeah. Sure."

"Kip… "

The older man was suddenly at his elbow. "Bailey, my boy. Your little pressie. I know you'll make it worth Daddy's while."

"Of course. Thank you, Daddy." He turned to me, and his eyes looked old and tired. "It was nice seeing you again, Sweetcheeks."

"Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?" 'Daddy,' his eyes hot, made a production of licking his lower lip. Jesus, did he think it was sexy? I contained my shudder.

"Yeah. Take care of yourself, Kip."

"You too." He looped his arm in the older man's. "Let's go, Daddy. Bye, Sweetcheeks."

I went home and tried to put the meeting with Kip out of my mind, but I kept worrying about it. We'd never been close, not even by rentboy standards. What could he want to talk to me about?

While Wills was in the utility room cleaning out the litter pan, I brought it up.

"Babe, I ran into a boy I used to know today."

He paused and looked up at me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. He wanted to meet me at the Ball Friday night."

"I thought we weren't going? Or did you want to go without me? It's… it's okay if you want to."

"Is it?"

His shoulders slumped. "No. I'd hate it like hell, but… "

"Thanks, babe. For a second there I thought you were getting ready to brush me off."

"As if." He got to his feet.

"Besides, the new Le Roi has made it clear he doesn't want former rentboys at any of his festivities." I took the plastic bag from him, knotted it, and went into the kitchen, where I dropped it in the garbage. Then I took the bag out of its pail. "I'm gonna throw this out. Care to join me?"

"Always. And you're okay with missing out on all the balls?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. I was getting tired of dodging all those daggers their eyes were throwing my way because I had you and they didn't."

"You sweet-talker, you. What did he want to see you about?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't say." I handed him the bag, and we left the apartment to take it to the can at the side of the driveway. "He isn't happy, that's for sure. The man who's keeping him right now gave me the creeps. He's older, and Kip calls him 'Daddy.'"

"Ugh. I don't blame you for getting the creeps." He opened the front door, and we walked down the steps to the sidewalk. He paused to growl at the Mazda that was parked in the spot in front of his Dodge, and I coughed to cover my laugh. "Do you think… Kip?" He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded. "Do you think Kip wants out of the business?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It would be smart if he got out, but not many of the boys think that way. The money is too big a lure. The jeans he wore run about a couple of hundred bucks, and so do his running shoes. You can't buy clothes like that if you're working for Sears, not even with the employee discount."

"Does he do drugs?"

"He used to do coke." I removed the lid of the garbage can, Wills dropped the bag into it, and I put the lid back on. The air was cold, and we hurried back along the sidewalk. "That's why I wouldn't keep him in our stable."

"You said Tim was against drugs, and you followed his beliefs on that."