The Light in Your Eyes

By Tinnean

Chapter 23

"Ouch. Ouch!"

"I'm sorry, babe. I'm trying not to hurt you."

"Well, that damned iodine stings." I peered over my shoulder. We'd been making love on the rug in front of the fireplace and had forgotten about Miss Su. She'd wanted to join in this new game we were playing, and with an enthusiastic 'Mrrow!' had jumped on my ass.

And since I'd been braced above my lover, rocking energetically into his ass, she'd sunk her claws into me so she wouldn't get thrown off.

The results were coitus interruptus via kittenus clawsus, painful and not at all pretty.

"Miss Su is very sorry." Wills was crouched behind me, still naked. He'd lost his erection when I'd yelped and yanked out of him, but he was half hard now. He planted a kiss on the ass cheek that was unmarked.

"Not as sorry as I am."

"You want me to take you to the ER?"

"Oh, my god! Is it that bad?"

"No. I just didn't want you to think I was taking this lightly."

"Ass. Am I gonna have a scar?"

"I don't think so, but you'd better lay off the tanning bed for a while."

"Okay."

"Give it a second to dry, then you can put your shorts back on. If you want to." He blew on the last dab of iodine, and my cock twitched.

I was about to suggest that we take it into the bedroom, closing the door on Miss Su this time, when his cell phone rang.

"That'll be work," he muttered, recognizing the ring tone, and he bolted out of the bathroom to answer it.

I put away the iodine, dropped the wash cloth into the hamper, and went into the living room.

"But I'm … " Wills stood there, very naked, very gorgeous, and very unhappy. "… I'm supposed to take my orders from… No, I'm not questioning your authority, sir. I know Mr. Vincent is out of town, and that you're… But… Yes, but… Yes, sir. May I at least… " His eyes got that flat look, and his mouth became a grim line. "Very well, sir. I'll pack a suitcase and pick up my tickets at Dulles."

I felt deflated. Even when he had the weekend off, there was always the likelihood that he'd be called in to work.

"I'd better… " He glanced impatiently at the clock on the mantle. "If I'm to make the flight on time, I have to start packing now. Yes. Goodbye, sir." He flipped his phone shut. "Supercilious bastard."

"Wills?"

"I have to go out of town, Theo. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, babe."

He stalked out of the room, barely giving me time to admire the taut curves of his ass.

I sighed, pleased that I was getting better at hiding how much I hated when he went out of town, and eased my shorts over my injured ass and pulled on my jeans.

His suitcase and a garment bag were on the bed, but he was in the bathroom, and the shower was running. I went to the dresser and took out shorts and undershirts, socks and handkerchiefs. A few days worth should do. I hoped he wouldn't be gone longer than that.

In a matter of minutes the water turned off and he came out, a towel wrapped around his waist. He tossed his shaving kit into the suitcase, jerked open the chest at the foot of the bed, and pulled out a toolbelt and a pair of work boots. In addition to the underwear I'd placed on the bed, he took out more, as well as some jeans and flannel shirts. How long was he going to be gone? What was he planning on doing?

And since when did computer techs dress like construction workers?

Wills was swearing under his breath, steadily and in a flat monotone, and what I could make out shocked me, not because I hadn't heard the words before, but because I'd never heard my lover use them before.

"Babe?"

"I've got forty-five fucking minutes to pack and get to the fucking airport." He was packing with less than his usual finesse.

"Let me, babe." Gently, I pushed him out of the way. "Your suits will get all wrinkled."

"Fucking idiots." He stripped off the towel, put on his underwear, and shoved his arms into the sleeves of a button down shirt. "They fucking screwed up, big time."

I started to picture an entire building without computer access, but was distracted by the sight of him with his shirttails just covering the curve of his ass, of the white of his shorts peeking out from beneath them. I lost my train of thought. Even though I'd bought him pale blue, green, and gray silk shorts, he always wore white cotton boxers when he went out of town.

"Theo."

"Huh?"

"I said I don't know how long I'll be gone." He paused and looked me in the eye. "I will be back."

"Okay. Do you need a lift to the airport?"

"If you don't mind?"

"Ass. Of course I don't mind. You'll call me when you can?"

Wills didn't answer me, and he didn't meet my eyes. He sat on the bed and pulled on his socks, then stood and finished dressing. "Theo… " He ran a hand through his hair and gazed around the room, probably to see if he'd forgotten anything. "Dammit, I hate this shit. Mr. Vincent would never… "

"Wills." I put my arms around him and kissed him. "It'll be okay. Just take care of yourself, all right?"

"All right." He held me, his cheek against mine, then let me go so I could put on half boots and a fisherman knit sweater. "We about ready?"

"Yeah. Just let me bank the fire and get my jacket."

Wills already had his overcoat on when I entered the foyer. He handed me my bomber jacket, and I slid my arms into it.

"Watch over Poppa, okay, Suzie Q?" He bent to scratch Miss Su under the chin.

"Mrrow."

I gave him the keys to the Corvair, and we hurried out of the house.

Wills didn't seem to have much to say on the drive to the airport, and we arrived at Departures sooner than I would have liked. I slid over to the driver's seat, flinching as I landed on the punctures on my ass. Wills removed his suitcase and garment bag from the back seat, and I told him again, "Eat your vegetables and get plenty of sleep. And come back to me in one piece."

"I will, babe. I'll be fine. Make sure you take care of yourself too."

"Listen, give me a minute to park, and I'll come in and wait with you."

"Thanks, babe. You don't have to go to all that trouble." He smiled, but we'd been living together long enough for me to be able to tell that it was forced.

"No trouble, Wills."

"There's not enough time. But thank you." He squeezed my shoulder. "Be careful driving home, okay, babe? Bye." He walked to the sliding doors. Once there, he turned for a final look, his mouth once again a grim line. He didn't smile this time or blow me a kiss, and he didn't wave, just dipped his head. Then he was through the doors and gone.

I'd never seen him like this before, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I was tempted to park the car and go after him anyway, to at least be with him until his flight took off, but I dithered too long, and in the end I put the car in gear and drove home.

I unlocked the door and let myself in. Miss Su came into the foyer, her claws retracted and silent on the hardwood floor. I picked her up, and she made herself comfortable in my arms.

"Daddy's gonna be gone for a while, Miss Su." I rubbed my cheek against the soft fur covering her head. "At least a week, puss." But I really had no idea how long.

It suddenly hit me. Except for the little bundle I held, I was alone in the apartment. Tim and Cris were in Savannah. Paul and Spike were in LA. Other boys were scattered throughout the country. No one would come knocking on the door wanting a fuck. No one would come in from a long night of being fucked.

There had been other times when Wills had been away. Why did this time feel as if for the first time in twelve – no, it was thirteen years, now – I was all alone?

Well, I'd never needed anyone to help me fill up my spare time. I'd be fine.

"Mrrow."

"Are you hungry, puss?" I put Miss Su down, hung my jacket in the closet, and went into the kitchen to open a can of Fancy Feast for her.

Wills and I had originally planned to go out to TGI Friday's and then catch a movie, but I didn't feel like doing that by myself. I picked up the phone to call Vince, to see if he wanted to join me for dinner. The phone rang a couple of times, and then, "Vincent. Go."

It was his answering machine. I sighed and hung up, remembering that I'd overheard Wills say something about him being out of town.

Okay. There was Kip. He was staying at the Harrison Hotel. He'd wanted to talk to me about something, but we'd been playing phone tag the last few days. We could talk over dinner.

I called the front desk. "I'd like to speak to… " Shit. What name did I give? Kip? Bailey? "I'd like Suite 1276, please?"

"One moment please." There was a brief pause. "That suite is unoccupied."

"Excuse me?"

"The party in that suite has checked out."

"But my friend told me he would be there until the end of the month."

"I'm very sorry, sir. As I said, Suite 1276 is unoccupied at this time."

"Okay, then. Thank you." I hung up. Oh, well. Kip had probably gotten tired of his 'Daddy' and split, and whatever he'd wanted to talk to me about probably wasn't that important.

I thought about calling Charlemagne, but dismissed that idea almost immediately. It could be opening a can of worms best left sealed.

It looked like I'd have to pull on my big boy pants and face the fact that I was going to be alone in the apartment for… for however long it was until Wills came back.

And he would be back. He'd told me so.

I went into the kitchen, put together a salad, made myself an omelet, and toasted some whole wheat bread. I poured myself a glass of wine, considered taking everything into the dining room, but decided against it. I turned on the radio so there wouldn't be utter silence in the apartment, and sat down.

"Damn!" I rose quickly, having forgotten about Miss Su's inadvertent assault earlier. I'd have to be careful about sitting for a while. Grumbling under my breath, I stalked into the living room to look for a pillow, and went back to eat my lonely meal.

I offered Miss Su a piece of the omelet. She sniffed daintily, then sneezed, shook her head, and turned away.

"Don't you like the provolone cheese I added?"

"Mrrow."

"I bet you wouldn't say that if Daddy were here!"

She looked over her shoulder at me, blinked, and continued out of the room, her little stub of a tail as high in the air as it would go.

"Well, that just means more for me," I called after her. I finished my dinner in solitude, trying to think what to do to while away the time until Wills called.

Going out, to the movies or dancing – why, if Wills wasn't with me?

The cable company we subscribed to offered hundreds of channels, and there was crap on all of them. I didn't feel like watching a DVD, not even The Big Chill, or reading, or looking at porn online. Without Wills, what was the point?

How lame was this? He had only been gone a few hours.

I loaded the dishwasher and changed the litter in Miss Su's litter pan. The apartment was already spotless, so there was no need to clean it.

I couldn't call Tim. Saturday nights at his pub were some of the busiest times.

I couldn't call Paul. He was working the 3-11 shift.

Well, it was tax season. I didn't usually like to work on the weekend, but I might as well.

A few hours later, and still no phone call from my lover. Well, that flight home to me before Christmas had taken eighteen hours. I had no clue where he was supposed to go, so he could still be in transit. Or there could be a problem with his hotel reservations and he could be hashing it out. Or he could have been hauled off to troubleshoot the problem as soon as he landed. Or…

I decided to call it a night. In the morning it would be one day closer to him coming home.

I slept on Wills' side of the bed with his pillow in my arms.

It wasn't until the next morning that I spotted the chain with the charm I'd given him on Valentine's Day, lying on his night table. It was cool in my hand when I picked it up, the warmth of his body long gone from it.

There were probably a dozen reasons why he hadn't taken it with him, the most likely one being in the rush of dressing, packing, and leaving he'd simply forgotten it. But… he'd never taken it off before, even showering with it on.

I worried my lower lip, then put it back on his night table and went to feed Miss Su.

****

Each time I tried to reach Wills, I got his voice mail, and it was the same for Vincent. By the middle of the week I'd grown beyond concerned. Sure, he was a guy, but stuff could happen to guys.

The phone rang, and I bolted for it. "Wills… "

"Mr. Bascopolis?"

I felt deflated. "Yes."

"Good morning. This is Barbara from Dr. Keith's office. I'm calling to remind you of your appointment to have Tira Miss Su spayed."

"Oh, yeah… Thanks for the reminder." I'd forgotten all about it. Wills and I had talked about it, and since I had no plans to show her and eventually breed her, we'd decided it was the best thing health-wise to have her spayed. He told me he'd take the day off, but now I'd have to do it alone.

"It's at 8 tomorrow morning. Please remember not to feed her after 6 tonight and to take up her water bowl before midnight."

"No food or water. Got it."

"Good. She'll stay with us overnight so we can keep an eye on her."

"Do you have to?" I'd be alone in the apartment, and right now I really didn't want to be alone. Too many thoughts crowded my mind.

"It's the doctor's policy. We want to make sure there are no side effects from the anesthesia. We'll see you in the morning. Come in a little early, all right?"

"Yes. Bye." I swallowed.

I looked at my kitten. She was stalking her catnip mouse, her belly flat to the floor and her little tail whipping back and forth.

"Guess what, Miss Su? We're going for a ride tomorrow!"

She abandoned her mouse and came to me, rubbing her head against my ankle. Wills and I had found a groomer who did an excellent job on Miss Su's long coat, and she had come to associate 'going for a ride' with paying a visit to the man.

Poor, unsuspecting little kitty. Was she going to hate me when she realized what I'd had done to her?

Dammit. Wills was supposed to be here to do this with me. I picked up the kitten and spent the rest of the day cradling her and playing with her.

****

Two days later, I drove to the vet's to pick her up. I set her Sherpa bag on the counter and pulled out a credit card. "How is she?"

The receptionist smiled at me. "She's fine, Mr. Bascopolis. The same as she was all the times you called." She took the card, swiped it through the machine, and waited for the transaction to be approved.

"Well, it was the first time she was away from home. Was she a good girl? Did she behave herself?"

"She was good as gold. And she missed you very much."

"She did?"

"Yes." She pressed a button under the desk, and a young woman dressed in green scrubs came from the back. "Mr. Bascopolis is here for the American Bobtail."

"Ah. Miss Su is a real sweetheart, Mr. Bascopolis."

I liked hearing that.

"Now, let Betty take Miss Su's bag, and she'll bring her right out. Meanwhile, here's all the information you'll need. Keep her on a light diet for today. If you see any redness, swelling, or bleeding, or if she looks like she's in pain, bring her back in, even if it's over the weekend; we always have someone here. Otherwise, her stitches will dissolve in a week or so, and we won't need to see her again until next year, when she'll be due for her annual physical."

Betty brought out the Sherpa bag. I opened it and looked at my kitten.

"Poppa's here, Miss Su!"

"Mrrow?"

"I know, I'm sorry, puss, but we're going home now, okay?"

"Mrrow."

I kissed the top of her head, and after closing the bag, I signed the credit card slip, put my wallet away, and the two of us went home.

The first thing I did, even before letting her out of her bag and making sure she had fresh water, was check to see if I had any messages. The light was flashing, and my heart rolled over in relief.

"You have one new message."

"Thank you, god." That was all I wanted. I pressed the button.

"Hey, Sweets, it's Tim. We haven't spoken in a while, so I just thought I'd touch base. Let's see. The pub is doing pretty well. We were in the black again last month. Thanks for going over the books for me; that helped a lot. Cris had me really scared. He had a nasty bout of food poisoning a few weeks back, but he's better now. He sends his best, by the way. How are things going with your guy? He'd better be treating you well. I hear that Paul's boy might be up for a part in a movie. Do you think that's for real? Well, I've got to get back downstairs. I'm expecting a delivery. Give me a call and let me know how things are going, okay? Bye, babe."

I sighed and decided against calling him just then. While I was glad to hear things were going well with the Pub and with Cris, I wasn't in the mood for small talk.

Miss Su meowed, reminding me she was still in her bag, and I let her out and filled her bowl with fresh water. She disappeared into the laundry room, no doubt to use the litter pan.

I couldn't call Wills' family either, to ask if they'd heard from him. Why cause them what was probably needless worry?

Calling Vincent was the best idea I could come up with. He never worried, and he always knew how to get in touch with Wills. The problem was each time I called, all I got was his machine, and I could see how something like, 'Vince, it's Theo. I seem to have misplaced my lover. Help!' would go over with him.

The message I finally did leave was simply, "I need to talk to you. Call me when you can, please?"

Miss Su came to me and butted her head against my leg. I stooped and picked her up, but I gripped her too tightly, and she meowed in protest. "Sorry, puss," I murmured in her ear.

Her sandpaper tongue swiped across my chin. Apparently there were no hard feelings.

****

The one good thing about tax season was that for the next few weeks it kept me too busy to worry during the day over the fact that Wills hadn't called. The nights, though, were another story. I'd grown used to sharing my bed with him, to rolling over and being able to snuggle against him and hold him in my arms, and to go back to sleeping alone was harder than I'd anticipated. The only way I could fall asleep was if I was holding his pillow.

And as the days passed and all my calls to him continued to be shunted to voice mail, my worries escalated.

Wills could have had a car accident and could be languishing in some hospital room. I thought of the accident that, according to his father, had nearly killed him.

His plane could have crashed, and he could be lying in some morgue, unclaimed, or maybe worse, claimed, waked, and buried, his family not thinking our relationship important enough to tell me.

He could have been mugged, and I pictured his body decomposing in some alley.

It affected my sleep. I began having nightmares with all of those scenarios, and another one that was even worse: Wills looking at me as if I were scum, his lip curled, his eyes cold. "We're through, Bascopolis," he said in that one. "I want nothing more to do with you."

"But I love you!"

"That's your problem. You waited too long to tell me." He shrugged. "I've found someone who isn't afraid to say the words, someone I really love, who's worthy of that love."

"But you said you loved me!"

"And you believed me? You're a pathetic whore. You wanted to be loved so badly you were willing to believe whatever I told me."

"But… "

"Face it, Bascopolis. You're not worth loving. You were always a whore, and you'll always be one. I'm leaving you."

'I'm leaving you.' Those words followed me up through the layers of sleep, and I'd wake, shaking and nauseous, my face wet with tears.

****

The phone rang, and I scrambled to answer it. "Wills?"

"No. It's Vincent."

I sighed. "Oh. Vince. Hi. You're home."

"No shit. I got your message. What's up?"

"It's… I know Wills is on a job, but… "

"Jesus, Bascopolis, is that all those hang-ups were about?"

"Well, I… "

"You know I gave him permission to let you know his flight had gotten in… " he started impatiently. "… but beyond that… "

"That's just it, Vince. He hasn't called. I haven't heard from him at all."

"Not at all?"

"No, not even to let me know he'd arrived at… well, wherever he'd arrived at, and every time I try calling him, I get his voice mail. Now… " I paused for a breath. "Now I don't even get that."

"Goddammit." He sounded grim, and I swallowed. "All right, Theo. Did he say who he talked to, who assigned him this job?"

"He never mentioned a name, Vince, just called him 'sir.' Whoever it was told him he had forty-five minutes to pack a suitcase and get to Dulles."

"That's cutting it close."

"Yeah. He was supposed to pick up his tickets there."

"Tickets? Plural?"

"Yes."

"Okay. What did he tell you about the job?"

"Nothing. He never talks about the job. I assumed someone must have opened an email with one of those viruses attached to it and the whole system shut down, so they needed Wills to clean up the mess." I didn't think it would be a good idea to tell my lover's boss the choice names he'd called those 'fucking idiots.' "But it's been almost four weeks, Vince!"

"What did he pack?"

I scrubbed my face. "A couple of suits. A week's worth of shirts and underwear. His toolbelt and work boots, jeans. Vince, is he… Do you think he's all right?"

"What do you think could have happened to him?"

"I don't know. Plane crash. Car accident. He could have gotten mugged… "

"Mugged?" He choked, and it took him a second to clear his throat. "Matheson is a competent troubleshooter, Theo. He's fine. Trust me on this."

"If… if you say so, Vince."

"I say so. Now, I'll look into what's going on and get back to you, okay?"

"Okay. Vince? If you talk to Wills… " I tried to think of the most discreet thing to say, then settled for, "… you'll tell him I've missed him?"

"Yeah. Any other messages you'd like me to pass on?"

"Um… " Just that I loved him. "… no."

"Okay."

"Thanks, Vince. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. By the way, Paul sends his best."

"Huh? Were you out in LA?"

"Yeah. You know Spike's got a part in one of those teen slasher flicks?"

"That's on the level? I know Paul was worried about it. He thought it might be a ruse to get into Spike's pants."

"Yeah, so was I. I flew out to look into it. It's on the level. His character gets sliced and diced about halfway through. If his scenes don't wind up on the cutting room floor, I guess I'll have to go see it."

"Me too." I hated that kind of movie, not for the graphic blood and guts, which was what seemed to bother Wills, but because pretty kids had sex and then got killed, almost as if in punishment. Still, it would be a perfect excuse for Wills to climb onto my lap and bury his head against my shoulder. Wills…

"All right, let me get going now."

"Huh? Oh, thanks again, Vince."

"Don't mention it. I'll be in touch when I can."

"Okay. Bye."

I wasn't really surprised when the phone rang later the same day. "Matheson is in one piece, and he's on his way home."

My heart rolled over in my chest. He was all right. He was alive. "When… when will he be here?"

"I'd say not more than a couple of hours."

My throat began to ache, and my eyes began to burn. "Thanks, Vince."

"You're welcome. Now is it too much to hope that I won't find your phone number on my Call ID anytime soon?"

"Sorry." I scrubbed my hand over my face. "Don't… don't tell Wills I was such a… " … baby… "… worrywart, please?"

"Not a problem, Theo. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too, Vince. Bye." I hung up and squatted down beside the kitten who was sitting at my feet. "He's coming home, Miss Su." Her ears were pricked forward, and her hind end quivered, as if she were about to launch herself at me. I opened my arms, and she leaped into them, purring and butting my chin. "Daddy's coming home!"

****

An odd thing happened as I vacuumed and dry mopped, emptied the dishwasher and changed the sheets on the bed. I began to grow angry. Four fucking weeks, and he couldn't find the time to call me and let me know he was still alive?

And what the fuck had Vince meant when he'd said Wills had permission to call me? Why the hell should my lover need permission to call me when he was away from home?

I tramped down my anger. Rentboys couldn't afford to get angry.

If Wills was hungry, I'd warm up the leftover pizza in the fridge, or make him some scrambled eggs if he wasn't in the mood for pizza.

I hoped he would…

The hell with that. I wasn't a rentboy any more. I lost my temper and clenched my hand so tightly my nails, as stubby as they'd become from my nervous biting of them, left patterns in my palms. Frozen dinners were all that was good enough for him after what he'd put me through. And he'd be lucky if I felt generous enough to nuke them for him.

I counted to ten in Greek three times, then had to count backwards as well before I calmed down enough that my hands stopped shaking. I wanted to be able to shave without slicing my face to ribbons.

I showered, shaved, and stood before my closet, looking over my clothes. My lover probably expected me to wear something that would send him wild with passion, but I was still pissed, and I settled on a pair of button fly jeans and a flannel shirt. I didn't bother with underwear, though. He had a tendency to remember everything. He should remember that I had told him once that I never wore underwear when I was going out on a job. Not that I was planning on doing that, but let him wonder. Let him worry.

Four. Fucking. Weeks!

"Sorry, Miss Su." I closed her in the laundry room with her litter pan, water bowl, catnip mouse, and a blanket to curl up on. She was getting too big to spend the night in her Sherpa bag.

I heard the key in the door, and my anger dissipated. My mouth went dry, and my stomach did flips. I felt as if this was a first date, and I rushed into the foyer just as Wills let himself in.

"Hi, babe." He locked the door behind him and let his suitcase and garment bag fall to the floor. "God, it's good to be home. I've… "  

I pounced on him, slammed my mouth against his, and hooked a leg around his thigh, rocking my groin against his. I wanted to crawl inside his skin. I wanted him to crawl inside mine.

There was no finesse in the kiss; it was hot and wet and hungry, and so savage I tasted blood, but I didn't care.

The whimpers and moans were coming from my mouth, but I didn't care about that either. He was home, he was safe, and he was kissing me back as if it had been years since he'd been kissed instead of weeks.

I finally released his mouth so we could both breathe.

"I take it you missed me?" He looked tired, but he didn't have that drawn, exhausted look on his face, and I knew that no matter what had happened these past four weeks, it hadn't been one of those jobs that I'd come to dread, and I got angry all over again.

"Y'think? Get naked." I'd been so worried about him that I'd lost my sense of self. Well, no more.